Better Off Ted Quotes

Ted: Well, I’d love to help you, Linda, but I don’t have a lot of space in here. Linda: In here. In here… in here. Ted: And there’s…

Ted: Yes, a biocomputer. It’s half machine, half living organism. If you think that sounds creepy, you should see it at feeding time.

Phil: At full power, the sound wave is so intense it can cause vomiting. Ted: A machine that causes vomiting. Well, that could have all…

Linda: Field testing shows that the subject, or “victim,” as I like to call people “helped” by Veridian Technology, can be hundreds of…

Ted: You might say Veridian Dynamics is like a finely tuned watch. That’s Dale. He even has a big hand and a little hand

Linda: There’s a single dads club that meets on the fifth floor every week. Maybe you should check it out. Ted: Eh, I guess I could go…

Ted: I’m a little preoccupied. I almost killed a man in the basement. Linda: Huh. Last week a story like that would’ve surprised me. So…

Veronica: Linda, I feel like you’ve been wanting to get our relationship back to the way it was. Linda: What gave you that idea–the fact…

Veronica: And then I accused Omar Sharif of being a terrorist so he’d get kicked off a plane and I could take his first-class seat

Veronica: I once slept with my boyfriend’s therapist to find out if he was cheating with me. He wasn