Better Off Ted Quotes

Gil: Ted, in order to advance to Squire, there is but one knave standing in your way. Phil: I propose a mutual surrender. Gil: Valiant…

Veronica: I’ll take you to breakfast–somewhere where the meals don’t end with the word “slam.” Linda: I don’t know. I’ve got a lot of…

Linda: I don’t know why I drink. I always either get laid or fired. Lem: I have to start drinking. I like those odds

Phil: Medieval Fight Night two nights in a row? Man, my codpiece just got tighter

Veronica: My grandfather… I never liked him. He smelled of onions and once cheated on my grandmother with Eleanor Roosevelt, who hated…

Lem: Bosses and employees just shouldn’t hang out. It’s like a ventriloquist trying to be friends with his dummy. At the end of the day,…

Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. Bosses. Everybody has one. Without bosses, we’d be like these worms. Disgusting. Bosses make everything…

Veronica: Don’t be silly. Let’s talk. Would you like some wine? Linda: I would like a whole bunch of wine, yes

Phil: Besides, Ted could bring us a lot of street crud. Lem: It’s street cred. You know, “credibility”? Phil: Oh… now that finally…

Lem: I always thought Veronica lived here. Phil: Me, too. You know, she just finds a comfortable chair and powers down for the night