Better Off Ted Quotes

Ted: The implications for weight loss are enormous. And while elective brain surgery doesn’t test that great, it still tests better than…

Veronica: Another time, another place. Two other people, it could have been magniflorious. Phil: You mean that? Veronica: I do….

Veronica: And the next time some survey asks how happy you are, you check “very,” or I’ll give you something to be happy about. Ted: I’m…

Phil: My wife says I wouldn’t know comedy if it ripped my face off. Veronica: Good for you for having a wife

Lem: I’m sorry, but when I hear an undeserved compliment it makes my ears want to throw up. Phil: Oh, your ears are always throwing up…

Ted: Veronica and her hair were working hard on the company’s campaign to improve morale. They both put on a good front, but one of them…

Linda: I just made three new friends. Maybe I was wrong about the cubicle themes. For the first time since I’ve been here, I actually…

Manny: Ted, you’re so put together. It’s like you stepped out of a magazine. Didn’t you ever get a mustard stain on your shirt, or a…

Ted: Look, the company does all sorts of crazy things. That doesn’t mean we have to be crazy, too. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go…

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