Better Off Ted Quotes

Linda: Can’t we develop one product that doesn’t end up being used to kill people? Even our fat-free cinnamon roll led to that new sticky…

Lem: The mat and the vest are both magnetized. When a child puts on the vest and steps on the mat, the magnets repel each other, making…

Pete: Hey, Ted. Strengthening your hand for that big date with yourself? Ted: Nope, just practicing for later when I squeeze your mom’s…

Patricia: Ted on his back straining with effort? There’s a mental picture I can call back later.

Janet: Well, if we call it a groundswell, I think the company would go for it. That way it gets to pat itself on the back for listening…

Phil: Your eyes look like two beady rabbit pellets on the face of a monkey-licking pus-bomb. Lem: You’ve just been Phil-abusted. Phil:…

Ted: Now I’ve got to go find Phil and Lem and straighten out the MRE disaster. Veronica: Don’t boo-hoo me. Did that MRE touch your…

Veronica: In fact, we need to talk about us. And the future of our babies and how they’ll be committed. Walter: Wow, that’s a lot to take…

Phil: Give a man an insult, he can hurt people for a day. Teach a man to insult, he can hurt people who tease him because he never…

Linda: Well, in my experience, scaring a man away is pretty easy. Basically, you’re gonna want to put three words into heavy…