While shopping in the mall with Lois, and perusing an expensive massage chair in Brookstone, Peter comes across his old pal Jesus. Not having seem him since their last encounter, a while back, Peter approaches the son of God to say hi. They have a pleasant conversation and Jesus invites Peter over to his home at a later date. Peter tries o get out of buying anything for the occasion.
Once at Jesus' humble abode, Peter realizes that the state of affairs for the man are pretty poor. He is outraged at Jesus's lack of plans for Christmas, and his birthday, and decides to throw him a birthday party.
At this affair, Jesus and his charade crumble as it's revealed to Peter and the gang that Jesus is a 2000 year old virgin. Jesus admits to having been friend-zoned by a prostitute back in high school, right before he was killed. But ever since, he's been shy of gaining any experience in the area.
Peter tells Lois that he's going to help Jesus get laid. She offers some advice about the trails of love and that Jesus might want more than a one night a stand. Peter ignores her advice and takes Jesus speed dating.
The following series of events are as painfully messy and hilariously as expected, with Jesus spouting out one liners that lead to instant buzzers from the women.
After the attempt at speed dating, the gang go back to Peter's house to surf his laptop for ideas. Peter tries to close out of all the open porn on his laptop but then when Joe points out the age of one of the girls on the screen, he leaves the house to go to the dock and take a boat out ot sea - all in order to get rid of any evidence of underage porn.
Lois claims to be the only one with the ability to help Jesus, and both of them end up going on a lunch date. Jesus warms up to Lois, and taking her advice too literally, decides that he wants his first time to be with her. He confronts Peter for permission, and Peter acts offended and calls out for all of the equally pissed off Christians watching the show to join in his crusade.
After receiving his wish of a Brookstone massage chair, Peter arranges for Jesus to sleep with his wife. Lois is reluctant at firs but eventually agrees to what she hopes will be a divine gift to the son of God.
However, it is revealed that Jesus is just a con man whose slept with numerous wives throughout the years. Fortunately, Lois has already refused to go through with the arrangement, as Peter take some time arriving at the scene. Peter steals cars, and toboggans, in order to make it to Jesus' house and break up the hook up.
Ultimately, Jesus manages to convince them both that it was just a test from God, and the lonely vagabond goes on his way.