Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: Damn you, vile woman! You’ve impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb

Peter [at communion]: Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ? Priest: Yes. Peter: Man, that guy must have been wasted 24 hours a day,…

Voiceover on TV: The Statue Of Liberty was a gift from France… Guy: The Statue Of Liberty!? Peter: Oh my kid must of taped over this…

Mr. Weed: Peter! Are you sleeping on the job? Peter: Uh uh…no!! There’s uh…a…bug in my eye and I’m trying to suffocate him

Peter: Guys, our money problems are over; we are officially on welfare! Come on kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn

Stewie: Well, well mother, we meet again. Lois: Stewie, I thought I tucked you in an hour ago. Stewie: Not tightly enough it would seem,…

Lois: When you were born the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he’d ever seen. Stewie: But, of course. That was my victory…

Meg: Mom, can I turn the heat up? Lois: Don’t touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset. Meg: Come on. This thing goes up to 90….

Brian: Amazing, you can barely drive a car, and yet you are allowed to fly a blimp? Peter: Yeah, America’s great, except for the south

Quagmire: Hey Peter, you want to play “drink the beer”? Peter: Sure. (takes drink of beer) Quagmire: You win! Peter: What do I win?…