Quotables from Week Ending April 16, 2015

The Author: You are quite possibly the biggest pain in the ass I have ever had the displeasure of writing about.

Finn: I worked in that office. Bishop could cure cancer and wipe out world hunger and they'd still want him.

Peter: I've learned that family is not what you're born with, it's what you chose. Family stands by you no matter what; unconditionally. That is why I know Alan, that you are not my family.

Russ: Yes. The time frame that my mother pulled out of her ass fits within the time frame that you pulled out of your ass.

Mance: When we first met you were my prisoner and now for our last meeting... John: This doesn't have to be our last meeting. ~~~ Mance: No, but it will be. ~~~ John: You know what Stannis wants? ~~~ Mance: He wants me to bend the knee and he wants the free folk to fight for him. I'll give him this much, he's bold. ~~~ John: Shouldn't a king be bold? ~~~ Mance: Oh I respect him. If he gets what he wants I expect he'll be a better ruler than the fools sitting on the Iron Throne the last two hundred years... but I'll never serve him.

Don: Who are you hiding from? ~~~ Roger: I've got two secretaries and three telephones. I feel like Marlon Perkins is chasing me on the Savannah. Hiding is pointless.

Victoria: Amanda Clarke is chaos theory and I cannot let this continue.

Toby: How long are you going to keep punishing me for sleeping through our date? ~~~ Happy: How long is your life span?

Joe: I have to be sane in order for the state to put me to death? How perverse.

Rogelio: If only there were a way to capture this moment and freeze it in time. Xo: Take a picture.

Callen: No, Hetty saved me. Everything I am today is because of her. Sam: Well, you should tell her.

Klaus: Good! Then it's settled! Off you pop to your respective tasks. Me, I've always been of the opinion that the best defense is a good offense. So I'm going to find a way to murder that god-forsaken witch.

Norma: I hear ya, but I can't take care of my self, I'm a mother. Now I have to go talk to my horrible brother. You know what? I have no choice because it is important to my sons. ~~~ James: Yeah? And what about your own needs? ~~~ Norma: Parents do not have needs. You ever read the book The Giving Tree? It's about this tree and this kid keeps coming and taking stuff from it his whole life until there's nothing left but a stump and then the kid sits on the stump. That's being a parent.

Wesley: I assure you, all my employer wants is for you to continue to be ethical, decent men; good lawyers. And for that, for nothing more than your exceptional skills and your discretion... you'll be fairly compensated.

Harrison: What exactly are we waiting for, Ms. Smoak? ~~~ Felicity: [points to the sky] That there! ~~~ Caitlin: Is that a bird? ~~~ Cisco: It's a plane... ~~~ Felicity: It's my boyfriend. ~~~ Ray: Hi! [waves] I'm Ray.

Max: You're a lifesaver, dude, thank you. ~~~ Crash: [laughs] A lifesaver who almost killed you. ~~~ Max: Too soon?

Caryn: This is a lot of information. What site is this? Zara: Am I Dating a Douchebag dot com. By the way, I know you date a lot so I signed you up for the full year.

Liv: Of everyone here, who would you eat first? Ravi: I think first I'd ask if someone could spare an apple. Or half a sandwich.

Jiaying: There was a woman once, she didn't trust my judgement. So she stole a batch of Terrigen crystals and fled. Got caught up with some criminals in Bahrain. Her name was Eva; Russian, strong-willed like you.

Tony: You must have had a rough childhood. Normally I would take great pleasure in breaking a clown like you down nice and slow. But considering that you conspired with a terrorist and you are responsible for the torture and murder of a United States Marine, I'm a little pissed off and pressed for time. Ashmore: Hey good cop. You wanna step in here? ~~~ McGee: You're on your own.

Sebastian: Has anyone ever told you that you bear a striking resemblance to Gandalf?

Oliver: Fight back, Ray, fight back! ~~~ Ray: He's. Too. Strong. ~~~ Oliver: This is not about strength. This is about heart. Ray, when the mayor was killed, you put yourself in harm's way to save Felicity. Normal people, they don't do that. Heroes do that.

Hotch: I think it's a good solution. ~~~ Brooks: Oh so you think it's a great solution. Sure. Given the fact that you conceived the idea. My brain may be checking out, but I'm not an idiot. Jessica told me a while ago that her promotion was in title only. And that song and that you two have been doing for my benefit..... You're giving her the extra money aren't you?

Luke: Let's see, what in the world am I gonna wear? I left all my sparkles at the dry cleaners.

Leonard: Just this morning, Sheldon wouldn't let me put almond milk in my Grape Nuts because he said it was a theoretical nut conflict.

Teddy: You already have a great job. You host a national radio show from your apartment. If you want you could do it naked, or eating a pizza, or getting a massage. If you play your cards right, you could do all three at once. Oscar: That is the dream.

Lily: I took your advice and I've been dabbling on Stefan's computer. What a wondrous invention -- all that knowledge. Damon: And videos of cats riding robot vacuum cleaners.

Richard: Let me tell you, it scared the hell out of me. Because the minute you see all the things you have, you see all the things you stand to lose.

Ragnar: I have something to say. I did not become Earl because I aspired to be one. It came about because of other people's actions. And I did not become king out of ambition, but once again I had no choice as a result of other people's actions. But nonetheless, I am king. King Ragnar, that is my name. What does a king do Bjorn? Bjorn: He rules. Ragnar: Yes, good... he rules. And as a ruler, I have the last say. Me! Not you, not you and not you.

Brennan: I believe the term is "one in the hole!" Booth: No, Bones, it's "hole in one."

Mary: I am grateful..but I have to ask the same question. Why? Francis: You mean why, when you were about to leave France? To turn your back on the country that sheltered you as a child and abandon the crown you were given? And me, the husband you swore an oath to?

Sherlock: The full spectrum of commerce and communication flows through her optic fibers as well as the requisite glut of pornography and cat videos.

Rowan: I know you, because the apple does not fall far from the tree, Olivia, poison though it may be.