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Two and a Half Men Season Two Quotes

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During season two of Two and a Half Men, we saw some hilarious things happen including Charlie trying to get back with Lisa even after she had another man's kid, poor Alan thinking about getting back together with Judith, and Jake, well, being Jake. 

It was a great season loaded with plenty of quotes and here's just some of our favorite Two and a Half Men quotes from season two:

Daisy: I'm Daisy, the caterer.
Charlie: You're Berta's sister?
Daisy: Same mom, dad's a little iffy | permalink
Alan: Ferrets?
Rose: Yeah, I have five of the toothy, little guys.
Alan: No-- no kidding. Five ferrets? Those are like, uh, long, furry rats, right?
Rose: Yup, and they're all named Charlie | permalink
Charlie: D-minus? Didn't you read the Cliff Notes?
Jake: That was fifty pages!
Charlie: Unbelievable. Your kid's too lazy to cheat.
Alan: Has it occured to you that maybe he's too honest to cheat?
Jake: No, I'm lazy | permalink
Alan, Charlie and Jake Promo
Berta: So you want to know what goes on underneath this rough exterior. Whether somewhere inside me there is a tiny little girl that wanted to be a famous ballerina.
Alan: Is there?
Berta: If there is, it is because I accidentally ate her and I haven't passed her yet. I'm telling you, I'm dreading that tiara | permalink
Charlie: I'm sorry, I forgot. Why are you here in the middle of the week?
Jake: My mom had to take a vacation.
Charlie: From what?
Jake: Me | permalink
Doctor: You're a doctor?
Alan: I'm a chiropractor.
Doctor: Then... no | permalink
Charlie: So what should we do with Jake today?
Alan: I don't know. How about a barbecue?
Charlie: Gee, Alan, I don't know. The kid is delicious, but I think I'd prefer hamburgers | permalink
Charlie: You're like an Alzheimer's patient in a whorehouse.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: You're constantly surprised that you're getting screwed, and you don't want to pay for it | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.

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