Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Holland Taylor stars as Evelyn Harper, Charlie and Alan's mother on Two and a Half Men.  Evelyn has been married countless times and is a successful real estate agent.  She is extremely cold to her children, who genuinely seem to dislike her despite all the time they spend with her.

Evelyn Harper Quotes

Charlie: I just want you to know that in my way I want you to be happy, and I love you.
Evelyn: Well, I guess I'll go pack.
Charlie: Why?
Evelyn: Oh, I'm going home.
Charlie: In the middle of the night?
Evelyn: Charlie, you just said you loved me. You can only screw it up from here

Evelyn: We are going to have a nice dinner, you are going to be charming, and Tommy's going to remain oblivious to the fact that you defiled his daughter.
Charlie: Hey, she wasn't exactly filed when I met her.