Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Holland Taylor stars as Evelyn Harper, Charlie and Alan's mother on Two and a Half Men.  Evelyn has been married countless times and is a successful real estate agent.  She is extremely cold to her children, who genuinely seem to dislike her despite all the time they spend with her.

Evelyn Harper Quotes

Charlie: I just want you to know that in my way I want you to be happy, and I love you.
Evelyn: Well, I guess I'll go pack.
Charlie: Why?
Evelyn: Oh, I'm going home.
Charlie: In the middle of the night?
Evelyn: Charlie, you just said you loved me. You can only screw it up from here

Evelyn: We are going to have a nice dinner, you are going to be charming, and Tommy's going to remain oblivious to the fact that you defiled his daughter.
Charlie: Hey, she wasn't exactly filed when I met her.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.