Evelyn Harper Quotes
Season 10, Episode 1: "I Changed My Mind About The Milk"
Alan: Can I come live with you?
Evelyn: No
Alan: Oh, come one, Mom, I am going to be homeless, once he marries her; I am going to be living on the street.
Evelyn: Try to pick a street in Beverly Hills, so I visit you
• Rating: Unrated
Season 9, Episode 19: "Palmdale, Ech"
Evelyn: Alan, you know I don't like old people.
Alan: I do know, you will like her, she is young at heart like you.
Evelyn: I am young everywhere, all parts. What I have not replaced, I have tightened, bleached or trimmed.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 9, Episode 6: "Those Fancy Japanese Toilets"
Evelyn: For god sake's walden, I'm old enough to be your mother. Assuming a teenage pregnancy, of course.
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
Walden: Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn: With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
Walden: See what you can find.
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
Evelyn: You really should get that boy a unicycle and bowling pins.
• Rating: 2.0 / 5.0
Season 8, Episode 15: "Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak"
Evelyn: You're my son. I should at least pretend I believe in you.
Alan: Thank you.
Evelyn: I'm putting "American Cancer Society" on the memo line. Just ignore that.
• Rating: Unrated
Alan: Is that for luck?
Evelyn: No, just kissing it goodbye.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 8, Episode 8: "Springtime on a Stick"
Evelyn: I'll be right back,
Alan: Where are you going?
Evelyn: To put on panties.
• Rating: Unrated
Evelyn: It's all right, I never expect much of you. And you never disappoint me.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Evelyn: What is wrong with him (Jake)?
Alan: Nothing organic. We've had him checked.
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 86