Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Angus T. Jones stars as Jake Harper on Two and a Half Men.  Jake is Alan's son and is a bit of an underachiever with an unsatiable appetite.  Jake is definitely a little smart ass towards his father and Uncle Charlie but definitely is still close with them.

Jake Harper Quotes

Charlie: What are you smiling about?
Jake: You don't have any food.
Charlie: Yeah, but I'm not the one who's hungry. Who's smiling now, shorty?

Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?
Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid.
Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass."
Charlie: Tell you what. Here's a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch

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Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Charlie: Let me tell you something about feelings. Feelings are like your mother's breasts. You know where they are, but they're best left unfelt.
Rose: It's an interesting analogy, but may I point out that a mother's breasts are a source for nourishment and comfort?
Charlie: Yeah, well, my mother's breasts were a source of silicone and Russian vodka

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