Jake Harper Quotes
Season 10, Episode 20: "Bazinga! That's From a TV Show"
Jake: Hey, she hit me with the wall of respect.
Tammy: And you slept with my daughter.
Jake: So we will call it even?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 10, Episode 18: "The 9.04 From Pemberton"
Jake: If there was a freeloader's Hall of Fame, my dad will be living in it... for free.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 10, Episode 15: "Paint It, Pierce It, or Plug It"
Tammy: I do not want to be the cause of any estrangement between you and your father.
Jake: To be fair, my father was already "estrange" before you met him.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 10, Episode 11: "Give Santa a Tail-Hole"
Alan: How did you meet this woman?
Jake: I play softball with her parole office
• Rating: Unrated
Jake: I am spending Christmas with Tammy Sue and her three children, and I get to play Santa and also their various fathers.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 10, Episode 7: "Avoid the Chinese Mustard"
Jake: I am 18 and in the army, you can tell me what to do.
Alan: You are using the excuse that you are in the army not to go back to the army.
• Rating: Unrated
Jake: I cannot imagine being with anyone else.
Alan: I know that feeling, you fall head over heels, and then suddenly you find yourself in a loveless marriage with a soul-sucking shrew.
Jake: You realize you are talking about my mother?
• Rating: Unrated
Season 10, Episode 4: "You Know What the Lollipop Is For"
Missy: You must be Jake; I am sleeping in your room.
Jake: Well, God Bless America.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 9, Episode 24: "Oh Look! Al Qaeda?"
Jake: Don't worry about me, worry about our nation's enemies.
• Rating: 4.7 / 5.0
Alan: This is serious; you will never amount to anything, if you sleep all day.
Walden: Morning.
Jake: I am sorry; I was just distracted by the naked billionaire that just woke up.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 272