Lyndsey McElroy, played by Courtney Thorne-Smith, is Jake's best friend's mom gone Alan's girlfriend.  She also happens to be Judith and Herb's neighbor.  Oh her seedy back history includes a softcore porn.

Lyndsey McElroy Quotes

Lyndsey: Oh, God. You saw "Cinnamon's Buns?"
Charlie: Not all the way through. Though I'm very familiar with the bakery shop scene in the middle. You know, with the frosting gun?

Charlie: Give me in the lay of the land.
Lyndsey: You mean who in this land can you lay?

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Judith: Don't you think you've had enough to drink at the magic show, Evelyn?
Evelyn: Excuse me, darling, but some of us deal with our boredom and depression the old-fashioned, non-prescription way

Evelyn: I'm deeply hurt.
Alan: With me or Charlie?
Evelyn: Charlie.
Alan: Great, come on in