Two and a Half Men

Lyndsey McElroy Quotes

Alan: You know what the problem is? Walden does not appreciate anything I bring to the party.
Lyndsey: I have never seen you bring anything to a party, except a Ziploc bag to steal the shrimp.
 • Rating: Unrated

Walden: I am a failure
.
Lyndsey: No, you are not, but you looked like one in college... I would not have slept with you, and I slept with everyone.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: My ex-wife tried to seduce me.
Lyndsey: Judith flirted with you?
Alan: Oh God no!!
Lyndsey: The beautiful one?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lyndsey: The guest toilet is broken; I want you to fix it.
Alan: Are we role playing? I am the naughty plumber here to snake your drain.
Lyndsey: No, you are the loving boyfriend, here to fix my toilet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zoey: Interesting, I can imagine you as a drunken Sodomite, never imagining you for liking poetry.
Lyndsey: Oh no, I really do, here is a poem you might appreciate:
Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I am nice person
And you can bite my pale, unrefined ass.
Zoey: A lady does not bite; she will however make you wear that ass as a bonnet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lyndsey: I am not a fan of fat people singing in a foreign language for two and a half hours.
Zoey: Well, Opera is not for everyone, to appreciate it requires a refined taste and certain amount of education.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zoey: I slept like a baby.
Lyndsey: Hope you did not wet the bed.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lyndsey: There's not enough cranberry juice in the world to put out the fire between my legs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lyndsey: You feel like an idiot? That casting agent said he could get me on Melrose Place.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lyndsey: I'm so full it'd be like sticking a pin in a balloon.
Alan: Can we please not call it a pin?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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