Alan and Melissa Get It On

Alan figures out a way to convince Melissa to sleep with him again... by lying about one of his mother's properties being his.
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Alan the Real Estate Agent

Alan dons a pink version of the traditional real estate agent blazer as he helps his mother as her assistant to learn a little extra cash to get his own pad.
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Alan and His Ex-Mother-In-Law

Alan sits on the couch with his ex-mother-in-law, Lenore (Annie Potts) as she gets very drunk and high off pills. A little inappropriate for a babysitter.
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Alan and Lenore

Lenore, Alan's ex-mother-in-law, is busy sucking his finger. Why? Because she's wasted and hasn't gotten any in 14 years. Still disturbing.
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Whipped by the Third Generation

Just when Alan and Charlie think they have their house back, they realized they're whipped by the third generation... Jake and his girlfriend, Celeste.
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Evelyn and Her Sons

Evelyn comes by to do a huge favor and help her sons, Charlie and Alan restore the balance of power in their home. They sold their souls.
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Alan, Melissa, and Danny

Creepily, Danny the dummy came back in this episode as Alan and Melissa throw a party when Chelsea and Charlie head out.
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Checking in Judith

Who else would a pregnant Judith arrive the hospital besides her husband, Herb, her ex-husband, Alan, and her ex-brother-in-law, Charlie. Makes sense to us!
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Alan and Melissa Kissing

Alan finds his way back to his former receptionist / lover when he runs into her at the hospital while bringing a pregnant Judith there.
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Alan and His Doll

Alan goes to sleep wearing matching pajamas with his ventriloquist doll. Yeah, Alan's not lonely or anything.
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Charlie and Alan Fight

As Charlie attempts to destroy Alan's creepy ventriloquist doll, Charlie and Alan end up wrestling.
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Alan and Chelsea Workout

Alan teaches Chelsea how he keeps such firm buttocks as he teaches her an exercise she can do anywhere. We feel uncomfortable.
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Two and a Half Men Quotes

Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Alan: Why?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."

Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket