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Grampa: Bart's got a problem with a local young bully named Nelson. I thought you could help him with some kind of strategy.
Herman: Strategy. Hmm. How many men do you have?
Bart: None.
Herman: You'll need more. And you'll need to train them, hard! Now, let's see.
(Herman pulls out a map and spreads it out on the counter.)
Herman: Ah. Okay. The key to Springfield has always been Elm Street. The Greeks knew it. The Carthaginians knew it. Now you know it. First you'll need a declaration of war.
(Herman pulls out a document.)
Herman: Uh, ah! That way, everything you do will be nice and legal. Okay, I can use this one from the Franco-Prussian War. I'll just change "Otto von Bismarck" to read "Bart Simpson."
(Herman mutters to himself as he doctors up the declaration of war.)
Bart: (to Grampa) Psst! Grampa, I think this guy's a little nuts.
Grampa: Oh, yeah? Well, General George S. Patton was a little nuts. And this guy's completely out of his mind. We can't fail!

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