Man I picked a bad day for a field trip.

Brown: You have a fire starter kit in your heel?
Abby: You don't?

Cook: What are you doing?
Abby: Re-negotiating. This is a canister of DX7 gas. If I release it in this room, we'll all be dead in ten seconds.
Brown: What...that's not a smoke bomb?
Abby: Put down your weapons.
Cook: You're bluffing.
Abby: You're going to kill the hostages no matter what I do. No witnesses - I heard you say it. If my life can save theirs, I'm down, 100%.

Brown: Why aren't we dead?
Abby: 'Cause there's no such thing as DX7 poison gas. I actually just made an airborne incapacitating agent.
Cook: I knew you were bluffing. I knew she was bluffing.

Gibbs, this is Janice. She's my new friend. She helped saved the lives of the hostages. And you can arrest her now, cause she's working with the bad guys.

Gibbs: Are you doing okay?
Abby: I was this close to violating one of my most sacred principles.
Gibbs: But you didn't. That bomb was fake.
Abby: That's because I knew you were coming. I just knew it. But what if I didn't? What would I have done?
Gibbs: You'd have done the right thing, Abs. Whatever that is. I don't know much, but I know that.


Bishop: I'm going in.
Abby: Bishop, no! Don't go in there.
Bishop: I'm going to take a look around, maybe get a lead on who this woman really is.
Abby: Just wait! Gibbs and Tony are on their way over there.
Bishop: Gibbs is always telling me to take the initiative.

Abby: And these are his chats and his emails for you and Ducky to profile.
Palmer: Thanks for including me in there but Dr. Mallard's really the profiler. I'm just...
Abby: You are the wind beneath his wings. Now go. Blow.

McGee: Okay you're telling me that Ziva knew too?
Vance: Agent McGee, your ego is not the subject of this briefing.

Gibbs: What? Something wrong?
Abby: Not. At. All. Tony read me in. I heard the fantastic news that you matched DNA from the cold case airport bombing to a recent bomb in Colombia. That is awesome.
Gibbs: So?
Abby: So I'm thrilled you got someone to run DNA for you. Someone with a lab full of DNA-running equipment. I mean it must be so cool to know somebody like that.
Gibbs: Abby, it's not like that.
Abby: You cheated on me, Gibbs.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Gibbs: Then can we hack into, uh, his GPS REM thingy and backtrace his memory deal?
Abby: Um, none of those things are things Gibbs. One of them's a band and when someone turns their phone off there's nothing you can do. I mean it's off.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.