NCIS

Tuesdays 8:00 PM on CBS
Ncis
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Coyle: What is with you people? I am not the enemy. I am conducting a mandatory agent-involved shooting investigation.
Abby: Well I don't like it when people mess with my team.

Abby: I believe in magic, prayer and logic equally. Is that childish?
Honeycutt: No, it's impossible.
Abby: So is what you're saying.

I know rule 62 is to always give people space when they get off the elevator but this is really important and I don't want to waste any time.

Oh, boo hoo. My super hot, super smart girlfriend likes me too much? McGee, this is not about space. It's about you being scared. Scared that things aren't going to work out, and somebody's going to get hurt, and then you have to deal with those messy emotions. Delilah is like the best thing that's ever happened to you. You can't protect yourself from everything.

Palmer: I'm so not having kids.
Abby: Okay Jimmy. That does it. Excuse us, director, but something has gotten into Mr. Palmer, and I would like to get it out now.
Vance: Well don't let me interfere.

Life isn't always perfect, you know? But sometimes things would work out for the best if you just had faith.

Abby: I'm still stuck on the fact that you can draw. I mean this isn't Kate good but it's good good.
Bishop: Who's Kate?
Abby: That would take a few hours and a whole box of tissues.

Abby: It's sage, McGee. I'm purifying my sanctuary of the negative karma left by the Halloween prankster.
McGee: Don't you think you're going a little overboard? I mean I don't like it when Tony touches my stuff either, but I just use bleach.

Gibbs: You got something for me, Abs?
Abby: She came down here an hour ago, asking to look at Petty Officer Well's computer. She was all "please" and all "thank you". She brought me this.
Gibbs: She's just trying to be nice.
Abby: I know. It's freaking me out, man.

Gibbs: Can you beam this up to McGee?
Abby: Well I can't beam it Captain Kirk, but I can send it up, sure.
Gibbs: Captain who?

Abby: Why didn't we do more to stop Parsons' investigation? Like a sit-in....or a hunger strike?
Palmer: I'm no good at hunger strikes. I get really light-headed at around four o'clock if I don't have a snack.

Abby: Ziva is loyal to a fault.
Parsons: No doubt. "To a fault" is exactly how I'd put it.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 53 in total

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.