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Community

Abed: Don't tell any doctors I said this, but at this point in the situation the bus pretty much drives itself.
Shirley: Who is the bus in this scenario?

I'm Jeff Winger. I love working this Blackberry because it really tones my thumbs.

Abed: The Cape is premiering!
Britta: Humanity is premiering you jag!

Britta is attracted to men in pain. It helps her pretend to be mentally healthy.

Abed: What could I do? It was Cougar Town.
Jeff: If you want me to take it seriously, stop saying its name.

Abed: For GCTV this is Abed Nadir saying: Did you know you can make napalm out of common dish soap and cat food?

Troy: According to our polls, the campus is almost evenly divided. Now keep in mind, the margin of error on this thing is about 98%.
Abed: Could be higher. We don't even know how to do margins of error. We talked to two people at a vending machine.

SS Agent: Is there a specific reason you had to repeat the first grade?
Abed: From what I'm told, I didn't know how to use scissors, I sat in the middle of the see-saw, and I always found the distinction between duck and goose to be arbitrary.

Abed: For Greendale College Television, I'm Abed Nadir.
Troy: And I'm Troy "Butt Soup" Barnes. What? That's my name.

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