Alex: He keeps asking me to hand him all of the instruments, he wants me to act like a nurse.
Luke: Now it sounds like a date in Haley's life.

Haley: Oh yeah she can wear whatever she wants after I've had it for six months.
Alex: Or I get it automatically if you buy anything that looks like it.

Alex: She said I was just like her.
Haley: Was she weirdly competitive

Alex: It's junior year, I have to get good grades. Don't you know how competitive it is out there? Stop pressuring me!
Haley: You know, this is what happens to kids when they're not sexually active.

Haley: Look I need more sleep than you and ever since they cut down that stupid prune tree the sun has been right in my eyes every morning.
Alex: It's not a prune tree, they pruned the tree.

Haley: Shouldn't she be playing Words with Friends with friends?
Alex: Grandpa is my friend.
Haley: Of course he is. That's not sad

Alex: Ok, that's it Grandpa's cheating.
Haley: On Gloria? How could he possibly do better?

She’s so new to our school, she doesn’t even realize that I’m a full social class below her.

Haley: You’re like that guy from the movie who wishes he was never born.
Alex: It’s a Wonderful Life.
Haley: You say that but do you mean it?

Alex: Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me?
Haley: Hey mom found somebody!

Should you be more worried that Haley has a nurse's uniform in her closet?

Haley: Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex: It just got real didn't it?