Claire: Check this out, a reflecting pond.
Alex: Great maybe you can see how crazy you’re being right now.

Haley: I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?!
Alex: Classy start to a classy life.

Mitchell: You know I'm surprised this particular foursome doesn't hang out more, considering...
Alex: We're the cultured ones in this family?

Ew it's so sad when parents try. My mom double pierced one of her ears and I'm like "Hello! You're 50."

Haley: Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex: It just got real didn't it?

Should you be more worried that Haley has a nurse's uniform in her closet?

Alex: Am I just going to nitpick everyone until they leave me?
Haley: Hey mom found somebody!

Haley: You’re like that guy from the movie who wishes he was never born.
Alex: It’s a Wonderful Life.
Haley: You say that but do you mean it?

She’s so new to our school, she doesn’t even realize that I’m a full social class below her.

Alex: Ok, that's it Grandpa's cheating.
Haley: On Gloria? How could he possibly do better?

Haley: Shouldn't she be playing Words with Friends with friends?
Alex: Grandpa is my friend.
Haley: Of course he is. That's not sad

Haley: Look I need more sleep than you and ever since they cut down that stupid prune tree the sun has been right in my eyes every morning.
Alex: It's not a prune tree, they pruned the tree.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy