Favorite Andrew Van de Kamp Quotes
Bree: Are you a friend of Andrew's?
Sam: I'm his lawyer.
Bree: His lawyer? Why on earth would Andrew need a lawyer?
Andrew: (gives Sam a glass of water) Here you go Sam.
Bree: Huh! Honey what happened to your face?!
Andrew: You hit me... Don't you remember?
Bree: If you need a drive to school, I'm happy to drive you.
Andrew: That's not what I want... I want a car.
Bree: Well, then I suggest you get a job.
Andrew: Why should I have to go work my ass off at some fast food place if I can already afford what I want?
Bree: Andrew, we're not touching your trust fund.
Andrew: It's my money!
Bree: Not until you're 21, and if I had my way you wouldn't put your hands on it until you're 50! I mean we both know you're gonna waste every penny of it.
Bree: Well, I'm still appalled that you're helping my son with this ridiculous emancipation scheme, but you are a guest in my house and guests get sandwiches.
Andrew: You know, if you'd let me go to his office, you wouldn't have to pretend to be nice to him.
Bree: Andrew, there may be a judge out there stupid enough to emancipate you, but until you find him, I retain all my parental rights. One of which is to ground your sorry behind until kingdom come. Mr. Bormanis, nice to see you again, and, um, please don't get crumbs on my carpet.
Bree: Hello there. I thought you and your friend might like some snacks.
Andrew: He's my lawyer and this is privileged communication so get out.
Lynette: Bree Van De Kamp and I have known each other a long time. I trust her completely. She's a wonderful friend and a fantastic mother. She puts the rest of us to shame.
Andrew: She's lying! Are you gonna let her get away with this crap?!
Bree: Who is this victim number one?
Andrew: Mr. Solis - After all, I sort of did kill his mom.
Claude: Damn it Peter! What did I tell you?
Peter: Avoid lust triggers.
Claude: And what is she?
Peter: Oh, don't do this man.
Claude: She's a lust trigger, a lust trigger!
Bree: Oh excuse me, I don't know what that means but could you stop saying it!
Andrew: You're going to leave me here, out in the middle of nowhere?
Bree: I saw a bus stop about a mile back. You can go anywhere you want.
Andrew: Momma... Mom, please don't do this.
Bree: I have to. I can't be around you anymore, I'm just not strong enough.
Andrew: You know what the good news is? I win. (he starts to cry) I remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was gay, I knew that one day you would stop loving me. So. Here we are. I was right. I win.
Bree: Well, good for you.
Bree: Andrew, I'm having Peter over for dinner and I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin?
Andrew: Yeah, thanks. I'll call him tonight.
Danielle: Since you to are having your boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew?
Bree: Out of the question!
Danielle: So let me get this straight. You can date a lech and he can bring over his gay lover but God forbid I date a hot black guy...
Bree: This is my husband Rex.
Rex:Hi. We're not weird. We just seem like we are.
Bree: And this is my son... the criminal. Go on.
Young Andrew: I'm sorry I stole from you. Just so you know, my mom did teach me right from wrong, so my actions should in no way influence your opinion of her as a parent.
Susan: Wow.
Bree: Well, is there anything you'd like to say to my son?
Bree: A woman felt desperate and alone and killed herself because nobody cared enough to help her, and the thing is - I was there. I saw that something was wrong, and I walked away and I am never going to let myself do that again and certainly not with you.
Andrew: Alex left me. I guess he just got sick of living with a drunk. What did I do? I wrecked my marriage.
Bree: Look, it's going to get better. I promise you it's going to get better. But for that to start, you need to go to a meeting.
Andrew: I can't get up in front of a bunch of strangers and talk about this.
Bree: Then, we can have a meeting right here. Just the two of us - what do you say?
Doctor: She's resisting our efforts to pump her stomach. She said she only took three sedatives.
Andrew: She's disorientated, pump her.
Bree: Andrew, (Bree looks at doctor) Pump her.
Bree: They're sticking a tube down her throat. Do you still think this is funny?
Andrew: Mom this was a half ass bid for attention.
Bree: This was a cry for help and if we don't listen, the next time she could do something even more dangerous.
Andrew: (smirks) Yeah next time she might jump off the porch.
