Favorite Andy Bernard Quotes
Kevin: Oooh, now do the Swedish chef!
Andy: I'm not familiar, what province is he from?
Kevin: He lives on Sesame Street, you dumbass.
I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies I'm going to kill myself.
Employee of the month. Every awesome place I've worked at had one ... Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG... my summer at Enron.
Kevin: Hahaha. Tea.
Andy: I like tea.
Kevin: You WOULD.
Andy: I like it a lot!
Kevin: I bet you do.
Andy: I REALLY like it!
Kevin: Do you like it as much as you like men's butts?!
Andy: What?
Kevin: 'Cause you're GAY!
You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uhhh, I was seeing this really hot urologist about it and I thought she was into me. But, now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know. She's touching around down there it's easy to get confused.
Saboteur! Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game... the game is over, I'm really going to shoot you!
Andy
I'm a little worried that I may have asked out Naughty Nellie instead of Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer.
Julia: I can't accept these prices, Stanley. They just cut our budget.
Andy: Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes. So I put Splenda in yours. Let's see. How many did I put in there? [starts singing to the tune of Feist's "1-2-3-4"] One, Two, Three, Four Splenda's in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather...
Stanley: Four Splenda. Are you crazy?
Andy: Well, No, I actually only put in two. But that's not how the song goes.
You're the deuce I never wanna drop.
Speaking as a former baby, don't get too hung up on baby names.
Andy: Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
Dwight: Cherry Pie, Warrant.
Andy: Better a cappella!
Dwight: No! Really?
Andy: Yeah. Name another.
Dwight: Enter Sandman, Metallica.
Andy: Better a cappella.
Dwight: Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
Andy: Aw!! Way better a cappella
Dwight: Really?
Andy: Yeah.
Andy: Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms...
Dwight: Yeah, do tell.
Andy: I mean, like, "156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left."
Dwight: Mmhmm.
Andy: "Walk until you hear the beehive."
Dwight: How could it be more clear?
Angela: I think Andy makes an excellent point.
Dwight: Okay.
