Favorite Andy Dwyer Quotes
Andy: God, I swear.. it's almost like they don't want you to win.
April: Well, you better practice. You gotta win me a teddy bear.
Andy: I'm gonna win you a million teddy bears.
April: Well, I want a billion teddy bears.
Andy: Well, that's a little unrealistic. This is a hard game.. Two million.
Andy: I have no idea how to run a nonprofit.
April: Hey, you shined shoes for two years and never earned a profit.
Guitarist: Look, if you're not going to pay rent, at least clean up your dishes.
Andy: Uhhhhhhhhh, is that all?
Guitarist: No. Also the bag of smells was a fun experiment, but it has to stop.
Andy: Come on, no. I'm finally starting to get serious results.
April: I used to play softball.
Andy: I used to play baseball! It's like the boy version of softball.
I wish he had tiny puppy shoes. I would totally shine his little shoes for free. I do say the cutest stuff.
I once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. I didn’t actually sell my last car. I just forgot where I parked it. I don’t know who Al Gore is and now I’m afraid to ask.
Old Gus: Well I've been listening to your boring speeches for the last 50 years. And now it's time for you to listen to one of mine. You know a day like this makes a man reflect upon his life. And I've come to the conclusion that I've completely wasted mine. And just for the record, I never ever liked being called "Old Gus." I didn't understand it when I was in my 20s and I sure hate it now. So go to hell every single one of ya. Screw Pawnee, and screw your damn shoes!
Andy [laughing]: Oh, Gus. That's classic.
Chris: What's your favorite food?
Andy: I take skittles and I put it between two Starbursts.
Oh, uh, also, Mark. Again, we don't have those extra small condoms you ordered. I called the factory, i''s going to take a special order. Not just because of the size, but because of the weird shape as well. Something they've never dealt with before.
Ron: How are we doing?
Andy: Pretty good. I may have promised a new aquatic center to somebody. Is that a problem?
Ann: I diagnosed two melanomas. They're both benign.
Andy: It's so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
April: Yeah, I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed at it, but I'm coming up empty.
Dude, that is the coolest sentence I have ever heard somebody talk.
