Angela: Kevin! Now it's seven-six, or is that too much accounting for you?
Rolph: Here's an accounting question for you: what does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.
Dwight: Okay, knock it off, Rolph.

Angela: You know a child conceived out of wedlock is still a bastard.
Pam: What?
Angela: Want me to say it again?
Pam: Why did that come into your brain?

Michael: Any messages?
Erin: You're soaking wet.
Michael: Jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain. Flash winds, flash lightning.
Phyllis: Wow. Sounds scary.
Michael: It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't!
Angela: Why isn't Jim wet?
Jim: I... outran it.
Meredith: I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Michael: It rained.
Dwight: Michael, can I get you something? A towel, some cocoa?
Michael Scott: Nothing. Cocoa.

Oscar: Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond?
Jim: Mmmmm... it's like Michael said, it was, um... something else.
Michael: It was ... okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots who put a fish tank in the ground with no cover, and no railing.
Angela: So you fell in.
Michael: No, maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
Angela: So a child had fallen in?
Michael: Not yet.

Michael: Who here has been the but of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us everyday.
Kevin: Yeah. Every single day.
Michael: Uh, you never said anything.
Meredith: Uh, we have. Countless times.
Michael: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying "Stop! Because I want you to stop" and "Stop!" as in "Stop you're making making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll I am a busting a gut. Stoppp!"
Angela: That's never been the case.

Michael: How's everybody doing?
Jim: Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus ruined the party. Petulant Jesus.
Angela: Are you serious? That is so offensive.

Angela: Hey! Are you sick?
Erin: Oh, no, I just have a little indigestion.
Angela: In your nose.
Erin: Yes.

Yes, I am anxious to get out of work. But let me be clear, it's not to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. It's so I can protest St. Patrick's Day.

Dwight: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me please.
Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
Angela: This is my favorite day!

Angela: You embarrassed me earlier.
Erin: Take it up with the chief of police.
Angela: Do you think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
Erin: I want to think about it just thinking about it!
Angela: You are throwing up for the wrong reasons.

Michael: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike!
Pam: Oh, no! We're actually married, we're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Jim: Alright!
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back!
Angela: I knew it! You should see their baby.

[to Dwight] I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over.

The Office Quotes

Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his...
Jim: Baquette.
Pam: ... dangling participle...
Jim: Eww.
Pam: ... still burned in my eyes.
Jim: I can imagine.

Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.

Darryl