Bishop: By all means, stretch your legs, Tim. Keep the monotony out of monogamy.
Tony: By cheating?
Bishop: No. Just words.
McGee: Elaborate.
Bishop: Harmless practice for later use on your actual flirt. Practice makes perfect. Look, what I'm saying is....
Gibbs: Keep the tool sharp.
Bishop: See, Gibbs knows what I'm talking about.
Gibbs: Ah, I got no idea.

McGee: I don't trust him.
Tony: With Delilah.
McGee: With the case. And frankly that too. I mean they work together, I guess it's possible they're just friendly.
Tony: Totally.
McGee: But...
Tony: You want me to speculate?
McGee: No. I mean just because the birds and bees are in the same room doesn't necessarily mean that there's.....pollination.
Tony: Did you pass health class?

Tony: Tim. How many times have you tried to contact Delilah in the last twelve hours?
McGee: Texts? Couple. All right, a dozen. But I only called six times.
Tony: What?
McGee: And left messages.
Tony: Honey.
McGee: I know.
Tony: I know you know but you're scaring her. That's not good. Women want the illusion of being chased. They don't want to actually be chased.

Look at me guys. I am doing paper work. Then I'm going to go make some bread with a girl that makes me smile. I'm evolving.

Bishop: So why did Linda leave him?
Tony: She probably got clued into his line of work.
Bishop: I thought he was a businessman.
Tony: Ha.
McGee: Well he calls himself an entrepreneur. But he's kind of more like a head-hunter who finds rich people, by--
Tony: It's okay Tim, you can say it. My dad is a con man.
Bishop: What? But he's so---
Tony: Handsome? Charismatic? Right place, right time? Exactly.

Gibbs: Give him an activity. McGee does it for you.
Senior: Junior. You there?
Tony: Hey dad. Listen we'll work on that paper thing but I really need you to do something for me.
Senior: You do?
Tony: Yeah. I need you to re-caulk my tub.
Senior: You mean like a handy-man kind of thing?
Tony: Yeah that's it. Sort of an emergency, I heard it on the news. There's a recall on the caulking I used.
Senior: You're kidding!
Tony: No, no. Causes athlete's foot. Nasty. I know you've got a lot on your mind--
Senior: Oh that's all right. I'll be fine. I can handle it.
Tony: Well thanks a million, dad.
Senior: See you son.
Gibbs: Works like a charm.

Senior: I need to tell you something.
Tony: Oh, you don't need to say anything.
Senior: Look. I've done a lot of things in my life. I've pretended to be better than I am. I've dealt with some pretty shady folks, but son -- I am not a con artist. I am an entrepreneur. The difference between an entrepreneur and a con artist is that an entrepreneur believes in the dreams he's selling. Whether my deals fell through or not, I believed in what I was selling. There. That's the look that Gibbs was talking about.

McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Tony: We can handle it.
Gibbs: What?
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.

Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.

Bishop: So. Military school, huh?
Tony: So. Yeah.
Bishop: Uniforms, PT, drills....
Tony: Those are all things that happen at military school, yes.
Bishop: How'd you end up there?
Tony: It was Senior's Hail Mary - trying to straighten me out after six boarding schools in four years.

NCIS Quotes

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee

High-tech case - low-tech ass-kickin'!

Tony