NCIS
Mondays 9:00 PM on CBSPopular Anthony (Tony) DiNozzo Quotes
Tony: Hey. You haven't said a word to me since we left the office.
McGee: I've been trying to figure out what you're up to.
Tony: Me?
McGee: Yeah. You've been acting so, you know, nice. You haven't abused me in days.
Tony: If you would like me to abuse you, I will abuse you.
Spoiler alert, Heisenberg. It doesn't end well for you.
Tony: Mat. Missing a "t" there buddy. Like "doormat"?
Mat: I dropped the second "t" years ago. Life's not about conforming to society's phallic-centric norms. Homemade gluten-free cinammon scones?
Bishop: Oooh.
Tony: No! Are you nuts? Never take cookies or movie advice from a hipster.
Gibbs: Where is Hollis Mann?
Bishop: Uh, I think she went back to the DoD.
Gibbs: You think? What do you mean, you think?
Tony: We've been at this all night. We're all a little tired. Why don't we take a break, get some air.
Gibbs: No, there is no break. There's no breaks until this case breaks.
Tony: Never get personally involved in a case. You're breaking rule number 10 boss.
Gibbs: You're damned right I am DiNozzo. You have a problem with that?
Tony: Gibbs and Hollis Mann. Both in the director's office. You know what this means.
Bishop: That she's helping with our case?
Tony: Think bigger picture, Bishop. You know how "on edge" Gibbs has been lately?
Bishop: Well yeah, since Diane's death. He's had a lot on his mind.
Tony: Exactly. And he's not going to talk to us about his feelings and emotions. But Hollis Mann - she speaks his monosyllabic language. She's our Gibbs-whisperer.
Bishop: It's your past, Tony. And it's a good one.
Tony: I have a tricky relationship with the past. I can either bury it or fixate on it. Still working out the kinks.
Bishop: Well whatever happened in your past helped make you the awesome guy you are today.
Tony: Okay let's get something straight. You will not - under any circumstances - tell McGee one detail of what you saw at my old school.
Bishop: The only thing I saw was that you were a good cadet and that they respect you.
Tony: Yeah. So let's not go blabbing about it.
Bishop: Why does it bother you? It's part of who you are. You can't ignore the past Tony.
Tony: Just watch me. And not one word or I'll tell McGee that song you sing in the shower.
Bishop: How do you--
Tony: Cheap motel. Thin walls. It's a ridiculous song.
Bishop: So. Military school, huh?
Tony: So. Yeah.
Bishop: Uniforms, PT, drills....
Tony: Those are all things that happen at military school, yes.
Bishop: How'd you end up there?
Tony: It was Senior's Hail Mary - trying to straighten me out after six boarding schools in four years.
Bishop: Well, family first. Not to mention your brave suggestion. He might just be too close.
Tony: Are you mocking me?
Bishop: Well, he obviously took it to heart.
Tony: Okay. Number one - that's adorable. And number two - Gibbs would never bail on a case much less a Sergei case much much less at my suggestion.
McGee: Unless he had a plan.
Tony: We can handle it.
Gibbs: What?
Tony: Bishop and I can handle the interviews. It might be better.
Gibbs: Better? What's better, DiNozzo? What are you trying to say? Spit it out.
Tony: Well your bedside manner might be....you might be too close to this.
Ducky: He's saying take a breath, Jethro! It's good advice for all of us.
McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.
McGee: Bishop you realize if we'd arrive fifteen seconds earlier we'd both be dead?
Bishop: Aren't you glad I made you stop for coffee McGee?
Tony: He's venti grateful.
