Favorite Barney Stinson Quotes
Ted: My God, this is incredible. We're like the same person. Sarah O'Brien loves brunch. She wants to have two children. Her guilty pleasure song is "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft.
Barney: Wow, Ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman
Ellen: All finished, gentlemen? Congratulations, you have just taken your very first step.
Barney: Gosh, thanks, Ellen. I sure hope this works. I'm so done with the single life, all the games, the meaningless sex.
Ellen: You deserve more.
Barney: That is so true, Ellen. I really think I'm ready to stop being a 'me' and start being a 'we'. Hey, is there anyway I can let it be known that I love cuddling?
Ellen: Oh, of course you can. That is so...
Barney: It's kinda hard to talk about with Ted here, but I just want someone who's not afraid to hold me at night when the tears come. Ellen, can you help me find her?
Ellen: Get out
Barney: A girl dresses up like a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse...
Lily: Wow, we get it.
Barney: She's a slutty nurse
Ted: There was a fight here.
Barney: What do you mean?
Ted: Whenever Marshall and Lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment.
Robin: Oh, God, here we go. He had a detective club as a kid.
Ted: Uh, the Mosby Boys cracked a lot of big cases.
Robin: The Mosby Boys? You mean you and your sister?
Ted: We solved the mystery of the missing retainer.
Robin: Let me guess: it was in the garbage?
Ted: Why are you like this?
Ted [to someone in a big penguin costume]: Excuse me? This is going to sound crazy, but... I met someone on this roof four years ago, and they mixed that cocktail, and they loved penguins... by any chance, was that you? It's you. Everyone thought I was crazy, but...
[Barney removes penguin head]underneath)
Barney: You are such a loser.
Ted: Arrgh!
Barney: Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score Hula Girl's number. Check and check.
Lily: Barney I've had Shelly set aside for three years
Barney: Dude, Ted was not missing out. She's brainy and annoying. Kind of boring in the sack. Oh I guess she would have been perfect for Ted. Whoops.
Barney: Okay, I'm leaving. But just know, this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht! And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnicle!
Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
Ted: The auction was yesterday, my bid was accepted and I signed the papers this morning!
Barney: Was the Blair Witch easy to deal with or did she haggle over closing costs?
Ted: This is going to be the home I share with my future wife.
Barney: Is she in the room with us now, Ted?
Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said
Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression. What's with the face?
Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee
This party sucks. There are seven chicks here. [guy in dress takes off blond wig] There are six chicks here
