Favorite Barney Stinson Quotes
This phone is cursed - cursed I tell you.
Ted: Cleveland sports are still relative. Lebron who? Right guys?
Barney: Ted neither Cleveland or you knows how to get over someone leaving them.
Barney [prerecored on porn tape]: Hello, Ted. If you're watching this tape, and I knew you'd pick this one, you're now in posession of my porn. And this can only mean one of two things: either I'm dead or I'm in a committed relationship. If I'm dead I want you to honor my memory by taking my body to the Hamptons and recreate Weekend at Bernies. I want to dance, go fishing, and I want to have sex with a girl. If on the other hand I'm in a committed relationship, as your best friend I have only one request... for the love of god get me out of it
Marshall: Oh you're wearing a flower.
Barney: Thank You!
Marshall: I didn't compliment, just observed.
There's kids playing hockey on the back. It's like you want us to make fun of you!
Robin: You wanna dance? Let's dance.
Barney: I live for the dance
Robin: Get your other hand, off my ass.
Barney: Sorry, sorry.
Lily: Anytime a single guy hangs out with a married woman there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one...
Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms, that's just rude.
Barney: What does Carlos have that I don't?
Robin: A date tonight?
Lily: Ooh, stop the tape, rewind, play it again!
Robin: [makes rewind sound] A date tonight?
Barney: I'm not sure I like her
Want to come to my house and play telephone? I've got the string you've got the cans.
Dude your views on professional fornicators are harshing my mellow
Check it, I just drove a Pedi cab 26 blocks and I still smell incredible.
And firing half my department freed up the money to double my own salary, and this chick from Boston was wicked hot in bed last night, and I'm getting more muscular even though I've stopped working out, and I have this amazing poker group, and I smell incredible, just, here, seriously smell me.
