Are you gonna murder me and bury me at this gas station?

Ben: Screw romantic dinners, let's go rub it in their face.
Leslie: God, I love you so much.

I'm not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be I never break any laws, ever, because I'm deathly afraid of cops.

Senior citizens are basically the only people who vote in local elections. So if you want to win you gotta get the gray vote.

Ben: I guess we'll just set fire to the studio or something.
Leslie: Oh that's so sweet, I've never had a boyfriend willing to commit arson for me before.
Donna: It gets old.

Are you hitting on Leslie for me?

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

Jen: After a rough start, your girl's doing ok.
Ben: I think she's doing a little better than ok, or did you miss the applause she got on the raccoon safety question?

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

In the last few weeks, we've turned this campaign into a
well-oiled machine. Leslie's stump speech is 10 minutes, 40 seconds,
every time. Here, check this out. There will be a big laugh right ...
now. And now a two-second awkward silence as Leslie does her Rodney
Dangerfield impression.

Ben: Why are you laughing?
Leslie: Because my dream is dead.

The government has been shut down for two days, and one city employee has tried to schedule 14 meetings with me. Can you guess who?

Parks & Rec Quotes

Leslie: I know you're not gay.
Tom: No, I'm not.
Leslie: But you're effeminate.
Tom: What?
Leslie: Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it.
Tom: That's because it was featured in Details magazine, and it's awesome.

Look, Tammy and I don't work. We are oil and water. Or oil and TNT and C4 and a detonator and a butane torch.

Ron