Louis: But the way you said he made you in that story. If there's an entire book it could be terrible.
Blair: Look, I would expect nothing less. I was mean to him on the steps of the Met. I bad-mouthed him repeatedly to his dream girl. I tried to undermine him at W. I'm sure he's brutal. He may be calling this a novel, but I know just how little imagination he really has. It's a memoir masquerading as fiction. A reverse James Frey.
Louis: So you're going to read it?
Blair: No no. And you shouldn't either. Look, that book has nothing to do with us and the family we're building. Whatever is in there, even if it is the truth, it's in the past.

Dan: Um, you know that story I wrote that Louis killed.
Blair: It's in the book. Yeah, I figured. But if it's all the same to you, I think I'd like to stay in the dark about just how nastily you've portrayed me.
Dan: Yeah, that's a good idea. You know, we're just recently friends again. Why ruin a good thing.
Blair: Yep. And, ah, I'm sorry in advance, but I have a better offer than your party tonight. Louis and I are telling our families the news.
Dan: Good luck.
Blair: You too. Your novel seems to be very well-punctuated and I... like the font.

Blair: So. now that this unnecessary meeting about America's future doorstop is adjourned, do you want to go grab a cup of decaf?
Serena: I would love to, B, but I'm already late for work. I've gotta get back.
Blair: Well maybe after work then.
Serena: If this is about the book, don't worry. Everyone loves a villain.
Dan: I wouldn't say there's a villain, per se.
Blair: Well I can tell you who isn't.
Serena: Come on, every girl needs to be knocked off her pedestal a little. Can't handle that kind of pressure. I'll see you later.

Dan: I'm sorry to call everyone here on such short notice, but... Alright, you know how there's been all this speculation about the book that's being published by an anonymous author.
Nate: Yeah. Gossip Girl said it was about us.
Blair: Yeah, it was probably written by some loser who doesn't even know us.
Dan: Well not exactly. I am that loser. I wrote it. And it is based on you. All of you. Sort of.

Dan: Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for coming.
Serena: I only have five minutes.
Blair: This better be really important.
Nate: What is this all about?
Lily: Is everything all right?
Charlie: This isn't about me, right?
Rufus: Yeah. What's going on, Dan?
Chuck: This is going to be fun.

Nate: What are you guys doing here?
Blair: We must have all gotten the same text from Dan.
Rufus: The last time he was this secretive he showed up with a baby.
Chuck: Don't worry, you're not about to become a grandfather. Though Dan is about to give birth in another way.
Serena walking in: Okay, I'm pretty sure this is how every murder mystery begins.

Blair: Do you know what this summoning is about?
Chuck: I do, but I can't say. I'm sworn to secrecy.
Blair: Since when do you bite your tongue?
Chuck: I'm learning.
Blair: Well isn't Humphrey becoming quite the drama queen.
Chuck: Isn't that usually your role?
Blair: I prefer drama princess now.
Chuck: How are you, by the way?
Blair: I'm okay. Thanks for asking.

Blair: You don't think your family's going to be upset, do you? I don't want them to think of me as the star of some trashy MTV show like, "Unmarried and Pregnant Princesses" or, I don't know, "Royally Screwed."
Louis: My mother will be over-the-moon. The job of any princess is to provide an heir to the kingdom. And that is exactly what you are doing.
Blair: An heir to a kingdom lives within me. How very Shakespeare.
Louis: Comedy not a tragedy, I hope.

Louis: You look gorgeous. I can't wait to tell the whole world the good news.
Blair: Me too.

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