Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Brian Griffin Quotes
Brian: Having sex with Quagmire is inevitable, like a fat guy ordering dessert when everyone else wants to leave.
Waiter: Would anyone like dessert?
Man: I couldn't eat another thing.
Woman: I gotta get home for the sitter.
Fat Man: I'll have the souffle.
Waiter: That takes 45 minutes.
Fat Man: That's okay.
Pink Panther: Hey first day being pink?
Brian: Yeah.
Pink Panther: Welcome to hell.
First I'm gonna stare at this brown paper bag that I'm pretty sure has food in it
Brian: Ah, it's a period joke!
Peter: Ah, it's a period period joke!
Stewie: Life's confusing when you grow up, isn't it Brian?
Brian: It is.
Stewie: Can we play my mixtape?
Brian: Yeah, go ahead.
(Stewie puts in the mixtape and "Cars" by Gary Numan begins to play. Stewie sings to the beat)
Stewie: Brian had sex, with a really dumb girl, now he's taking his friend Stewie, to get some ice cream, in his car.
(Brian shuts the tape off)
Stewie: Ohhhh, you're a poor sport.
(Stewie and Brian begin kissing in order to get thrown out of the Army)
Stewie: Wow, look at how gay we are! I am so gay with my gayness!
Brian: Me, too! I'm...I'm a homo.
Army Guy: Any room for one more?
Stewie: Hell yeah!
(Brian smacks Stewie)
(After Stewie dances, he and Brian are allowed to use a helicopter, which they fly over the mountains)
Stewie:(Over the helicopter's propellers) Brian, be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the sky!
Brian: What?
Stewie: I said be careful cause the mountains are the same color as the- WHOA!!!
Brian: What the hell was that?
Stewie: I'm practicing my comedy crash.
Brian: Well keep it down because I'm trying to-
(The helicopter is about to hit a mountain)
Brian & Stewie: WHOA!!!
(They swerve away from the mountain but the tail of their helicopter hits a cliff, causing them to hit a slope and slide down the mountain, they crash into a rock, sail out of the cockpit and hit the snowbank)
Stewie: Imagine the dance I'm gonna have to do to get our security deposit back.
Pearl: What is this, spit soup?
Brian: Tomato bisque.
Pearl: What is this, snot soup?
Brian: Tomato bisque.
Pearl: What is this, diarrhea soup?
Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
Brian: Thanks for the update Big Ben.
[Brian and Peter Laugh]
Lois: You're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted from bein' up all night drinkin'.
Lois: Listen, Peter, if you keep this up something terrible's gonna happen.
Peter: Somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!
Brian: Nice
Lois: Ewww, What's that smell?
Brian: It's either bad meat or good cheese...
Brian [at mom's funeral]: Say something.
Stewie: What?
Brian: Just say something please.
Stewie: For god's sake. Um... "Yea, and God said on to Abraham, 'You will kill your son Isaac'. And Abraham said, 'I can't hear you, You'll have to speak into the microphone.' And God said, 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, Check, Check. Jerry pull the high end out I'm, getting some hiss back here.'"
Brian: Say something about my mother!
Stewie: Oh yes, I'm sorry. I never knew Biscuit as a Dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian: Thanks. That's enough.
Stewie: Yes. Requiem in Terra Pax, and so forth. Amen
Peter: Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "Oooooo!"
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios
