Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.

Brian: Well I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.
Peter: There were three lies in that sentence.

Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.

You go ahead, I have to make the waffle fries you scream-requested in the car.

Brian: Permission to take fast tiny bites at my own tail, sir?
Peter: Go ahead.

Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.

Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

Stewie: Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
Brian: Nope.
Stewie: Oh, well you'll tell me if I get it right?

Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobil phone.
Brian: Stewie has AIDs.

Oh yeah, every woman looks great in a sundress.

Brian: I mean I was having fun, making new friends, getting laid all the time, sleeping like a rock - but you made the call. You unilaterally decided I was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who could only hang out with a baby.
Stewie: Hey! We have fun.

Family Guy Quotes

[when he has an orgasm with Carolyn] Wait. Wait! Wait!! OHHHH!!! And boom goes the dynamite.

Cleveland

Meg: I wanna watch George Lopez!
Chris: That show only perpetuates the stereotype that George Lopez is funny