Stewie: Yes looks like someone's gone at him with a whip.
Brian: That is a perfectly valid way of saying that. Bravo master.
Stewie: Master? Aaand a surprisingly quick erection for Stewie.

Brian: Well I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.
Peter: There were three lies in that sentence.

Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.

You go ahead, I have to make the waffle fries you scream-requested in the car.

Brian: Permission to take fast tiny bites at my own tail, sir?
Peter: Go ahead.

Brian: This one's bones feel all loose.
Stewie: I think this one's blind.

Stewie: What kind of feet can fit in these shoes?
Brian: Your feet!

Stewie: We could even use my own crib!
Brian: You use your own crib!

Stewie: Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
Brian: Nope.
Stewie: Oh, well you'll tell me if I get it right?

Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobil phone.
Brian: Stewie has AIDs.

Oh yeah, every woman looks great in a sundress.

Brian: I mean I was having fun, making new friends, getting laid all the time, sleeping like a rock - but you made the call. You unilaterally decided I was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who could only hang out with a baby.
Stewie: Hey! We have fun.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Oh wow. Wow, if I were a woman, I would press my bare boobs up against glass in public, just for the SEXUAL THRILL! THE SEXUAL THRILL!!!

Joe