Stewie: Which is hugging someone really hard with your legs.
Brian: Nope.
Stewie: Oh, well you'll tell me if I get it right?

Stewie: Hey Brian, show her your Boost mobil phone.
Brian: Stewie has AIDs.

Oh yeah, every woman looks great in a sundress.

Brian: I mean I was having fun, making new friends, getting laid all the time, sleeping like a rock - but you made the call. You unilaterally decided I was better off a bitter alcoholic failure who could only hang out with a baby.
Stewie: Hey! We have fun.

Stewie: I've been approaching this far too intelligently. He's an idiot, so this shouldn't be hard at all! Hey Brian, you want to go see Doctor Hartman and get that procedure where you get two weiners?
Brian: Whoa, hell yeah! That way when I watch Black Swan, I can aim one at that Natalie Portman, and aim the other one at -
Stewie: Yes, yes, yes, we all know who the other one was.

Brian: Winning!
Peter: Haha, remember somebody said that?

Brian: Bazinga!
Peter: Haha, like what the guy scientist says. Brian, say something else from TV!
Brian: Watchu talkin bout Willis!?

Peter: You want a beer?
Brian: Peter, it's 11 AM.
Peter: If the clock ain't digital, you don't know that!

Haha, Brian's stupid! I must alert the townsfolk!

Chris

Brian: What's on his arms?
Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.

Brian: Excuse me Mr. Hemingway. Can I have a beer with you?
Ernest Hemingway: Sure, I love life and all the people in it.
Brian: Thanks and, as a fellow writer, I'd love to talk to you about your craft God if only we can get rid of these damn arms and attach the pen directly to the heart.....
[Hemingway shoots himself]

Stewie Also, I gave the string quartet the music for highway to the danger zone
Brian: You have the sheet music for highway to the danger zone?
Stewie: Uh, yeah, that's all I keep in here. It's power bars and sheet music

Family Guy Quotes

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)