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Family-guy

Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Playing Unga Bunga. It's the championship.
Stewie: Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.

Stewie: Are you blood brothers with Meg because you ate her tampon out of the trash?
Brian: No, that, that's something else.

Apollo: I was booked for three hours by "Archibald Meatpants."
Brian: He's...he's dead.
Apollo: Well, either way, I'm getting paid and somebody's getting torn open.

Thank God we're finally here. Kind of weird that they showed Flight 93 on Flight 93.

Brian: Oh my god, Stewie, it worked! We're in Vegas!
Stewie: Yeah, alright! Let's go to the hospital, get checked for teleportation cancer, and then party!

Peter: Shut up, Meg!
Lois: Peter!
Chris: Dad!
Brian: You're back!
Meg: [dejectedly] Yay.

Stewie: Brian, I can't find Rupert anywhere! Have you seen him?
Brian: Oh, I thought Lois would've told you. She sent him back to the factory.
Stewie: what, why?
Brian: She was afraid he was going to choke you.
Stewie: That was a game we played! Believe me, I was in control the whole time!

Peter: Well, I'll be on the lookout for great tits.
Lois: Peter!
Brian: Well actually Lois, that's a species of bird that's been known to frequent domestic birdhouses.

I think Anne Murray sucks and that's my opinion.

Brian: What the hell? Are you listening to Anne Murray?
Stewie: Uh, I am experiencing Anne Murray.
Brian: Why? That music is complete crap.
Stewie: Um, excuse me?
Brian: It's all this vapid, overproduced tripe, it has no edge whatsoever.

You kiss your mother with that mouth? (Stewie vomits at the reference)

Brian: Hey, you think you might be able to get me some acid?
Stewie: I'll get you a rolled-up newspaper on the snout is what I'll get you! Very! Bad! Dog!

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Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

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