Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig's List.

I'm a bigger scumbag than Spock.

Glenn Close: Fart.
Brian: Uh..did you say, "fart?"
Glenn Close: Yes. That's me being rather silly.

Stewie: I want you to come inside me while I'm asleep.
Brian: No, don't say it like that.

Not everyone can be as fascinating as you, Brian.

Stewie

The good news is that now he can go back to being a regular kid.

You're giving your baby drugs to improve his acting career?

I'm just saying. It's no surprise that justice isn't colorblind.

I don't think it's lost on any of us that the laws are writte on white paper.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian: OMG, Stewie. What are you doing in the toilet with the lid closed?
Stewie: Ted R. says this is where a piece of crap has to live.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Lois: Who threw out my sequined top?
Stewie: You're 43, accept it!