Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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You know people are going to stare, they're not used to seeing one clown in a car.

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.

I'm the ass kicking clown that will twist you like a balloon animal!

Phil: Luke's not much of a clown fan.
Cameron: Has he ever seen a good one?
Phil: Has anyone?

Mitchell: She's always had a dark sense of humor
Cameron: Do you remember when she went as Sigfried and part of Roy for Halloween?
Mitchell: Too soon

Mitchell: Just the emerald city at the end of my yellow brick road
Cameron: Wow you did it
Mitchell: What?
Cameron: You made figure skating sound even gayer.

Mitchell: You always take this a little too far. Your nephew's first birthday.
Cameron: That's not fair.
Mitchell: You brought a wind machine.
Cameron: Who puts wheels on cribs?

Cameron [in a high-pitched voice]: I swear to God Im gonna break it!
Jay: Do not break the window, you're gonna get glass on her
Woman [on the phone]: Sir, please tell your wife to calm down, everything's gonna be okay.
Jay: That's a man
Woman: Really?

Cameron: I got MooGoo bear from the freezer
Mitchell: Why do you have chocolate on your face?
Cameron: It was under a chocolate pie
Mitchell: So you ate your way through it?
Cameron: I made a judgment call, you weren't there

Mitchell: I don't like football.
Cameron: You know what? I thought part of being in a relationship was pretending to enjoy your partner's interests. Do you think I really loved home pickle making?
Mitchell: Yeah, 'cause you did.
Cameron: For a week, until we became the weird guys who gave everybody pickles. "Oh thank you, Marvin, for inviting us into your lovely home. Here, would you care for sacks pickles?"
Mitchell: It was charming.
Cameron: We were picklers, Mitchell. Okay, you know what, fine. Stay home with your little, jagged scissors. Maybe catch up on your scrap-booking.
Mitchell: Uh, come-you love scrap-booking.
Cameron: Did I Mitchell? Did I? [Leaves room]
Mitchell: No, stop. Don't do the double question to prove a point thing. I hate it when people do that.
Cameron [holds Lily outside the door]: Do you Mitchell? Do you?
Mitchell: Stop Lily

There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say, "That's messed up."

Cameron: Who was that?
Mitchell: My mom
Cameron: Yeah right, cause the last time she was here the magnets are the refrigerator arranged themselves into a penta... hi grandma!

Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 211 in total

Modern Family Quotes

What could be more natural than your mother’s tongue in your ear?

Gloria

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke