Carlos Solis Quotes
Gabrielle: I don't understand. How could you not know you're Mexican? We eat Mexican food all the time!
Juanita: We eat Chinese food, too. Does that mean I'm Chinese?
Carlos: No, that just means your mother hates to cook.
Carlos: Damn it!
Gabrielle: Whatever it is, I can explain.
Gabrielle: Hey, cut her some slack. She's Romanian, okay? When your people are being chased into Argentina by angry cossacks, maybe a sparkling toilet isn't that important.
Carlos: Argentina? How about you stick to fractions, and I'll teach Juanita geography? Goodbye.
Carlos: You've got some admirers out there.
Lynette: Oh?
Carlos: Yeah, as you walked by, I heard one of them say, "check out the rack on that one."
Lynette: Aw... Can I do the honors and call security?
Carlos: Gaby, thank God you're doing this. Beating up a second gay guy? It looks bad.
Gabrielle: Yes. Well, Carlos, in some circles, beating people up at all is frowned upon.
Carlos: So why'd you change your mind?
Gabrielle: Well, I'm about to be the mother of your child, which means a lot of responsibility and little time for myself. So if I'm gonna get you out of this mess, you have to reciprocate.
Carlos: Okay.
Gabrielle: When the baby cries in the middle of the night, you're gonna get up without saying one word. Doctors' appointments: you're driving. I'm not putting a car seat in my Maserati. And you will also be on bottle duty. That means washing, sterilizing, and filling. That way I'll have some semblance of a life, and then maybe I won't hate you so much
Carlos: What about the baby, Gabrielle, huh? What about my baby?
Gabrielle: Oh, your baby?
Carlos: Fine. Our baby. Hey, we're a family now. This baby needs its mother and its father.
Gabrielle: Oh, Carlos. Whoever said you were the father?
Gabrielle: You see, your health insurance sent us a letter because someone ordered a year's worth of birth control pills, and apparently our policy doesn't cover drugs bought by the kilo.
Carlos: I told you, it was mama.
Gabrielle: The prescription was dated, Carlos, and Juanita was in a coma when this claim was filed. You did this, not your mother. At least be man enough to own up to it. She would've been
Carlos: Before the accident I told her how much I wanted a child and she said that she would take care of it. I just thought that she would talk to you. Baby, I am so sorry.
Gabrielle: That bitch! I can't believe her.
Carlos: I loved her, but even I had issues sometimes. I mean she could be very controlling.
Gabrielle: Reaching out from the grave to screw with me. God, she's good!
Carlos: Where are you going?
Gabrielle: I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mother's grave when it hits
Carlos: You've been paying more attention to your food than you have to me lately.
Gabrielle: I plan on getting really fat as a tribute to your mother
Gabrielle: If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you.
Carlos: If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you.
Gabrielle: Boy, with all this passion, isn't it a shame that we're not having sex?
Gabrielle: I don't need your credit cards, Carlos, and I don't need your money, but if our marriage is gonna work, I need your respect.
Carlos: I'm not ripping up the post-nup.
Gabrielle: Yes, you are. Because if you don't, I'm gonna put on my new shoes and walk out the door.
Carlos: You're threatening me?
Gabrielle: No, I'm just pointing something out. I'm a pretty girl, and pretty girls are never lonely
