Carlos Solis Quotes
Gabrielle: So... We're audtioning to be parents?
Adoption Agency Lady: You can say that...
Gabrielle: So just to be clear... Some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas'n'gulp and SHE is gonna make sure we're quality people?
Carlos: You don't have to answer that...
Carlos: Gaby, these pictures have to be wholesome. They gotta say, "These people will do a great job raising a child."
Gabrielle: So?
Carlos: So you're topless!
Gabrielle: Yeah, but it's St. Bart's, and your hands are covering my naughty bits.
Carlos: You mean the hand that's holding the tequila shot, or the hand that's holding the Cuban cigar?
Gabrielle: Yeah, that was a great trip.
Carlos: Ah, this is a sign...
Gabrielle: Will you shut up?
Carlos: We lost the baby, found out we couldn't conceive another one, and ran into Helen Rowland at an adoption agency - God is obviously trying to tell us something.
Gabrielle: Carlos, we're Catholics, okay? God is pretty johnny-one-note on the whole subject of procreation!
Gabrielle: So just to be clear, some slutty cheerleader gets knocked up by the soccer coach behind the local gas 'n gulp, and she is going to make sure we're quality people?
Carlos: You don't need to answer that.
Carlos: There was a lot of stuff that Gabby went through when she was younger. A lot of stuff that you don't know about. And I think that if you went to her and asked her about it, then the two of you could finally get passed it.
Lucia: What stuff are you talking about, Carlos?
Carlos (deep breath): Your second husband Alejandro. When Gabby was 15 he assaulted her; sexually.
Lucia: Is that what she told you?
Carlos: Look, I know it comes as a shock for you to be hearing it from me.
Lucia:Carlos, please, I am aware they had sex. But it was Gabrielle who seduced him. Carlos: Excuse me?
Lucia: She was always jealous of me. You don't know how many times I caught her wearing my shoes, trying on my jewelery. And I'd scream at her to leave my things alone, but no, she wanted whatever I had. Then one night she set her sights on Alejandro. Believe me, no one got raped.
Carlos: Lucia, she was only 15!
Lucia: You know, a lot of men have left me over the years, and I never knew the reason, but when Alejandro left, I knew exactly why it happened. Gabrielle made him fall in love with her. Took me so many years to forgive her.
Gabrielle: Don't be so suicidal, we can always adopt.
Carlos: I wanted to have a child of our own, you know that.
Gabrielle: What does it matter whose DNA it is, the diapers are still going to smell the same regardless.
Carlos:You can't force her to stay and be our maid.
Gabrielle: Who's forcing her? We'll pay her whatever she wants - and the best part is with her resume, any wage will look good.
Carlos: No way, baby, uh uh...
Gabrielle slaps his hand away from her bra...
Carlos: What, so you don't get what you want, you just walk off and pout?
Gabrielle: Oh, this isn't about me. This is about our great nation, and I have no intention of sexually satisfying a man who isn't willing to stand up for and help spread the ideals and values of the United States of America.
Carlos: You know who you are, Gabby? You're the kind of person who would've turned away Mary and Joseph from the Inn.
Gabrielle: Well, they should've called ahead.
Carlos: Please don't tell me you're crying just because you can't have the maid you want.
Gabrielle: Carlos, she wouldn't have been just a maid, she would have been the best damn maid ever!
Carlos: You're pathetic.
Gabrielle: Shut up!
Sister Mary: Thank you for meeting with me.
Carlos: Sure! I'd have invited you in the house but the place is a real pigsty.
Sister Mary: Carlos, I'm a nun, not a moron.
Carlos: What the hell were you thinking?
Gabrielle: Uh, depends. What have you heard?
Carlos: I got a call from the church. They said you attacked Sister Mary!
Gabrielle: Yeah, that's about right.
Carlos: What are you thinking?
Gabrielle: I wasn't, but I was thinking about it on the way over here. And I realized the ass I should be kicking is yours.
Carlos: Mine?
Gabrielle: Yes! Sister Mary manipulated you into threatening me, but you're the idiot that fell for it.
Carlos: I was not threatening you. I was asking for a promise.
Gabrielle: You made a promise, Carlos, a long time ago: till death do us part. And one day you just come home and start throwing words around like annulment. How do you think that makes me feel?
Carlos: Okay, I'm sorry about that. I need to have a child.
Gabrielle: And I need to know I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, not just some uterus in high heels.
Carlos: Gabrielle, please.
Gabrielle: No, Carlos, I am sorry. I am not gonna be blackmailed into giving birth. You have to choose. And I wish you would do it so I can move on with my life.
Carlos: Well, of course I choose you.
Gabrielle: I think that's the right decision. You know, I made a decision, too. The answer to your question earlier is yes.
Carlos: Yes...
Gabrielle: I wanna have a baby. I wanna have a baby with you.
Carlos: I'm sorry, but this is your mistake. You're going to have to fix it yourself.
Gabrielle: And I would love to, but I have the upper body strength of a kitten. I need a brute!
