You and me, we're doing a tango.

Gaby: You can't dress for church if you want to move the 'merch. You gotta shake the rear to make them buy the gear. You wanna sell some knits, you gotta flash the...
Carlos: Gaby! I got it.

Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.

Carlos: When I got home from prison, all you left me was a post it that said: Take out the trash, ex-con.

You think I killed someone? It's not like potato chips.

Carlos: Stop pouting. It's fun to sleep outside.
Gaby: I'm sure it is. That must be why the homeless are always so cheery.

Gaby: That girl's so good at the violin, she's practically Asian.
Carlos: So, that's what this is about... you're competing with Bob and Lee.
Gaby: Pfft. That's ridiculous. This is about Juanita. I'm building her self esteem and giving her a chance to shine. And if a couple of same-sex parents end up crying at home in their silk kimonos, so be it.

Trust me, Cheech, this is oregano. The only thing getting baked with that herb is lasagna.

If this ends badly, I will never forgive you. I mean it, Gabrielle—we're done!

Every time you offer me afternoon sex it's because you want something, and it's not afternoon sex.

Carlos: Whoa!
Gaby: I know, right?

I pay for the clothes it wears, the massages it receives, and the implants it will one day require. If I don't own it, I'm at least a major stockholder!

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

(narrating) The world is filled with good fathers. How do we recongnize them? They are the ones who are missed so terribly, everything falls apart in their absence. (Shot of Andrew and Bree packing his suitcase, placing a photo of Rex inside last.) They are the ones who love us, long before we even arrive. (Shot of Carlos smiling as he rubs Gabrielle's stomach.) They are the ones who come looking for us, when we can't find our way home. (Shot of Mike walking Bongo as he looks at a flyer of Zach's) Yes, the world is filled with good fathers. And the best are the ones who make the women in their lives feel like good mothers (Shot of Tom comforting Lynette as she cries)

Mary Alice