You and me, we're doing a tango.

Gaby: You can't dress for church if you want to move the 'merch. You gotta shake the rear to make them buy the gear. You wanna sell some knits, you gotta flash the...
Carlos: Gaby! I got it.

Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.

Carlos: When I got home from prison, all you left me was a post it that said: Take out the trash, ex-con.

You think I killed someone? It's not like potato chips.

Carlos: Stop pouting. It's fun to sleep outside.
Gaby: I'm sure it is. That must be why the homeless are always so cheery.

Gaby: That girl's so good at the violin, she's practically Asian.
Carlos: So, that's what this is about... you're competing with Bob and Lee.
Gaby: Pfft. That's ridiculous. This is about Juanita. I'm building her self esteem and giving her a chance to shine. And if a couple of same-sex parents end up crying at home in their silk kimonos, so be it.

Trust me, Cheech, this is oregano. The only thing getting baked with that herb is lasagna.

If this ends badly, I will never forgive you. I mean it, Gabrielle—we're done!

Every time you offer me afternoon sex it's because you want something, and it's not afternoon sex.

Carlos: Whoa!
Gaby: I know, right?

I pay for the clothes it wears, the massages it receives, and the implants it will one day require. If I don't own it, I'm at least a major stockholder!

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

There were many things Gabrielle Solis knew for certain. She knew red was her color. She knew diamonds went with everything and she knew men were all the same. But the one thing Gabrielle knew above all else...she would never want children. Unfortunately for Gabrielle, her husband, Carlos, felt differently. Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew without a doubt she didn't want to be a mother, but what she couldn't know was just how much her husband wanted to be a father, or that he'd been tampering with her birth control for months. Or that within one week's time, she'd be pregnant

Mary Alice