You and me, we're doing a tango.

Gaby: You can't dress for church if you want to move the 'merch. You gotta shake the rear to make them buy the gear. You wanna sell some knits, you gotta flash the...
Carlos: Gaby! I got it.

Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.

Carlos: When I got home from prison, all you left me was a post it that said: Take out the trash, ex-con.

You think I killed someone? It's not like potato chips.

Carlos: Stop pouting. It's fun to sleep outside.
Gaby: I'm sure it is. That must be why the homeless are always so cheery.

Gaby: That girl's so good at the violin, she's practically Asian.
Carlos: So, that's what this is about... you're competing with Bob and Lee.
Gaby: Pfft. That's ridiculous. This is about Juanita. I'm building her self esteem and giving her a chance to shine. And if a couple of same-sex parents end up crying at home in their silk kimonos, so be it.

Trust me, Cheech, this is oregano. The only thing getting baked with that herb is lasagna.

If this ends badly, I will never forgive you. I mean it, Gabrielle—we're done!

Every time you offer me afternoon sex it's because you want something, and it's not afternoon sex.

Carlos: Whoa!
Gaby: I know, right?

I pay for the clothes it wears, the massages it receives, and the implants it will one day require. If I don't own it, I'm at least a major stockholder!

Desperate Housewives Quotes

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

Have you met the perfect couple? The two soulmates, whose love never dies? The two lovers, whose relationship is never threatened? The husband and wife, who trust each other completely? If you haven't met the perfect couple, let me introduce you. They stand atop a layer of butter-cream frosting. The secret of their success? Well, for starters, they don't have to look at each other.

Mary Alice