Friends

Chandler Bing Quotes (Page 16)

Chandler: She's married. She has a husband.
Phoebe: What if the husband person is the wrong guy and you are the right guy. You don't get chances like this all the time. If you don't meet her now, you're going to be kicking yourself when you're 80, which is hard to do and that's how you break a hip.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: (Realizing his internet girl is Janice) Oh my God!
Janice: Oh... my... God! (Chandler rushes over and kisses her)
Ross, Joey, Rachel, Phoebe: Oh... my... God!
 • Rating: Unrated

Monica: Joey, you know, maybe you're just not used to kissing men. Maybe you just tensed up a little bit. Maybe that's what you need to work on.
Joey: Yeah, that makes sense.
(Joey looks over at Ross)
Ross: Over my dead body.
(Joey looks over at Chandler)
Chandler: And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey: Come on, Chandler. I want this part so much. Just one kiss. I won't tell anyone.
Chandler: Joey, no means no!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Okay, so I can't fire Joseph. But, uh, I can sleep with his wife.
Joey: Karen?
Chandler: Yeah. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. You know what? I just did!
Joey: What are you trying to do to me, man?
Chandler: Oh, it wasn't me! It was my character, Chandy! The rogue processor who seduces his co-workers' wives for sport, then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler! In fact, I have her panties in my desk drawer right now!
Joey: (Looking hurt) Really?!
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: Hey, how's the first day going?
Joey: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column.
Chandler: Well there you go.
Joey: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
Chandler: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie?
Joey: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh?
Chandler: Weird world. Your kids?
Joey: I figure my character has kids.
Chandler: You know, there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.
Joey: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
Joey: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... You know what? Just did.
Chandler: Wow, that's some pretty strong imaginary sperm you've got there.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Rachel: It's just that.. I was in there, listening to them bitch about each other, and it reminded me of the Fourth Of July.
Chandler: Because.. it reminded you of how our forefathers used to bitch at each other?
 • Rating: Unrated

Monica: Joey, they're not real! I start miles beneath the surface of these things, okay? They're fake. See (Monica squeezes her breast) Honk honk.
Chandler: Wow, it's, it's like porno for clowns.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joey: Woah, woah, woah, uh, no Shannon Cooper.
Phoebe: Why not her?
Joey: Cause she uh, she steals stuff.
Chandler: Or maybe she doesn't steal stuff and Joey just slept with her and never called her back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chandler: (To Rachel) How you holding up there, tiger? Oh, sorry. When my parents were getting divorced, I got a lot of tigers. I got a lot of champs, sports, once I even got a governor.
 • Rating: Unrated

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