Chris: What did you do for her?
Ron: Fixed her pothole.
Chris: Is that a euphemism?

Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.

If I keep my body moving, and my mind occupied at all times, I
will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

I am 100 percent sure I am 0 percent sure of what to do.

And then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship.

Chris: I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine and told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Ann: The door?

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

April, way to come in! Great initiative.

Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

I think you might find me attractive because you got drunk and kissed me when we first met.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Ben: Newspaper headline was "Ice Town costs ice clown his town crown."
Leslie: Yuck.
Ben: They were big into rhymes.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!