Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.

And then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship.

I am 100 percent sure I am 0 percent sure of what to do.

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

Chris: I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine and told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Ann: The door?

April, way to come in! Great initiative.

I think you might find me attractive because you got drunk and kissed me when we first met.

Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health.

Ron: So, you love April and she has a new boyfriend, right?
Andy: You got all of that from a picture?
Chris: No, you told me yesterday.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.