Favorite Chris Traeger Quotes
Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.
Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.
I am 100 percent sure I am 0 percent sure of what to do.
Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.
Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?
Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.
And then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship.
Chris: I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine and told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Ann: The door?
April, way to come in! Great initiative.
I have a resting heart rate of 23 beats per minute. The scientists who study me say my heart can pump jet fuel up into an airplane.
I think you might find me attractive because you got drunk and kissed me when we first met.
Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health.