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Parks-and-recreation

Oh my God, your inbox is literally filled with penises.

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

And then my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste, rubbed it around my gums, and now my mouth feels like a spaceship.

Chris: I had a dream. That she came into this room. Stole all my flu medicine and told me not to tell you and disappeared through that hole in the wall.
Ann: The door?

April, way to come in! Great initiative.

Chris: I can't find my car keys.
April: Solve this mystery genius.

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

Ben: Hypothetical crisis: Leslie just tried to answer a question, but audibly farted and then threw up. Spin.
Chris: Leslie Knope is literally overflowing with ideas for this town. And speaking about methane, have you heard about her plan to limit greenhouse gas emissions?

Ann: I don't think I should go out with you.
Chris: Can I ask you why not? Because I thought we had a great time the night you got drunk and kissed me. And... you did use your tongue.

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