Chris: Jerry, I believe you are capable of much more.

Jerry: I'm not.


Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whorewille.

Chlamydia affects nearly 100% of Jan Coopers.

Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health.

Chris: Fresh lettuce is my all-time favorite food. What's your favorite food?
Andy: Oh, I take Skittles and I put it between two Starbursts. Know what I call it?
Chris: Skittle Sandwich?
Andy: ...That's pretty good. No, I call it Andy's Mouth Surprise. It's nice because the flavor of the Starbursts really bring out a similar flavor in the Skittles.

Chris: What's your favorite food?
Andy: I take skittles and I put it between two Starbursts.

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

Chris: Man.. you are just knocking these off. You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi or something.
Tom: You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.
Chris: Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.

Women's razors work better. For whatever reason men's razor technology hasn't figured out a way to properly contour the shin bone.

Ann: Wow, that's disgusting.
Chris: Yeah, it's very hard to drink.

Ann: Is this right?
Chris: This feels almost perfect, but I don't think your core has maximized elasticity.
April: Okay, umm, I'll come back if you guys are.. being weird.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: There's an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April