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Chris: Jerry, I believe you are capable of much more.

Jerry: I'm not.


Re-elect Jan Cooper, Mayor of Whorewille.

Chlamydia affects nearly 100% of Jan Coopers.

Jan Cooper will give you Chlamydia. Brought to you by the Pawnee Department of Public Health.

Chris: Fresh lettuce is my all-time favorite food. What's your favorite food?
Andy: Oh, I take Skittles and I put it between two Starbursts. Know what I call it?
Chris: Skittle Sandwich?
Andy: ...That's pretty good. No, I call it Andy's Mouth Surprise. It's nice because the flavor of the Starbursts really bring out a similar flavor in the Skittles.

Chris: What's your favorite food?
Andy: I take skittles and I put it between two Starbursts.

Chris: Have you ever tried a turkey burger?
Ron: Is that a fried turkey leg inside a grilled hamburger? If so, yes, delicious.

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

Chris: Man.. you are just knocking these off. You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi or something.
Tom: You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.
Chris: Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.

Women's razors work better. For whatever reason men's razor technology hasn't figured out a way to properly contour the shin bone.

Ann: Wow, that's disgusting.
Chris: Yeah, it's very hard to drink.

Ann: Is this right?
Chris: This feels almost perfect, but I don't think your core has maximized elasticity.
April: Okay, umm, I'll come back if you guys are.. being weird.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 73 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy
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