Taub: You know there's something seriously wrong with us.
Taub's wife: I know.

Foreman: If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
Taub: You might want to get rid of your kitchen table.

You save earwax.

Taub (to the patient)

He's hoarding books on hoarding.

Foreman: I don't know how you did it man. Was it the cute, harmless vibe, the self-deprecating humor, or just straight up vibes?
Taub: If you're interested, I do seminars.

Foreman: You just said you weren't even going.
Taub: I still have feelings.

House: I don't think his real name is Ferris Bueller.
Martha: Why? Seriously. Who is that?
Taub: They say he's a righteous dude.

Dr. Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my tenth-grade geometry teacher about five different ways in my mind.
Masters: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement, preferably with acid. You guys ever think about what you might do to House?
Taub: Maybe it's no big deal.
Dr. Chase: Unless it is. Someone shot House.

Taub: He's doggy padding in the sea of misery. I remember what that was like.
Foreman: Yeah? How far back did you go for that memory? Last night?

Taub: Can I at least search his house for drugs?
House: Have I ever said no to that question?

Dr. Foreman: Are you wearing my tie?
Taub: I saw it in your closet, and it happened to match my shirt.
Dr. Foreman: Why were you in my closet?
Taub: Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
House: Obviously he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.

Dr. Foreman: You're nothing but excuses and distractions.
Taub: Well, it's a nice match with your condescension and superiority.

House Quotes

Do you know what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once.

Thirteen

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House