Taub: You know there's something seriously wrong with us.
Taub's wife: I know.

Foreman: If I own it, I don't want you doing it on it.
Taub: You might want to get rid of your kitchen table.

You save earwax.

Taub (to the patient)

He's hoarding books on hoarding.

Foreman: I don't know how you did it man. Was it the cute, harmless vibe, the self-deprecating humor, or just straight up vibes?
Taub: If you're interested, I do seminars.

Foreman: You just said you weren't even going.
Taub: I still have feelings.

House: I don't think his real name is Ferris Bueller.
Martha: Why? Seriously. Who is that?
Taub: They say he's a righteous dude.

Dr. Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my tenth-grade geometry teacher about five different ways in my mind.
Masters: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement, preferably with acid. You guys ever think about what you might do to House?
Taub: Maybe it's no big deal.
Dr. Chase: Unless it is. Someone shot House.

Taub: He's doggy padding in the sea of misery. I remember what that was like.
Foreman: Yeah? How far back did you go for that memory? Last night?

Taub: Can I at least search his house for drugs?
House: Have I ever said no to that question?

Dr. Foreman: Are you wearing my tie?
Taub: I saw it in your closet, and it happened to match my shirt.
Dr. Foreman: Why were you in my closet?
Taub: Looking for a tie. What's the big deal?
House: Obviously he wants you out of the closet for some reason. I suspect marriage, but I'm liberal that way.

Dr. Foreman: You're nothing but excuses and distractions.
Taub: Well, it's a nice match with your condescension and superiority.

House Quotes

Taub: You know he just doesn't want to live in pain.
House: Life is pain! I wake up every morning in pain! Work is pain! You know how many times I just wanted to give up? How many times I've thought about ending it?

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.