I'm 5'6" and have a receding hairline. I hate genetics.

Taub: So the only time you're interested in my marriage is when you can blow it up?
House: You're the moron who took marital advice from Tila Tequila.

Functional open marriage is like a unicorn. It's a mythical creature that doesn't exist. Someone always ends up unhappy.

Taub: Fighting's not brave. It's just stupid.
Dr. Chase: You would say that.
Taub: You think I've never been in a fight?
Dr. Chase: No, I just think you never won one.
Taub: I took on three guys in college once.
House: Hope they bought you dinner first.

Thirteen: Pig order with a side order of sphincter.
Taub: I think they call that breakfast in Australia.

Taub: It's not exactly sanitary.
House: The fun stuff never is.

Foreman: We both have a lot of regrets.
Taub: You should be proud of yours. Your life is trending upwards.

Foreman: You really wanna get inside his head?
Taub: Yeah, but I decided against stabbing myself in the leg and getting addicted to pain pills.

Taub: What if we just snoop on our boss?
Foreman: I can live with that.

Taub: It's not porn.
House: Bummer.

Taub: If I ask why we're in Wilson's office, is there any chance I'll get a straight answer?
House: Try it. Try it.

Dr. Wilson: Where's House?
Taub: Performing his ritual "Hiding from Cuddy to avoid getting a new case" dance. It's sort of a jazz-fusion sort of thing.

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.


You save earwax.

Taub (to the patient)