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Modern-family

Claire: Getting everybody out of the house in the morning can be really tough. Especially the first day of school.
Phil: From the moment we get up at seven until we drop them off at school it is: go go go.
Claire: I get up at six.
Phil [mocking]: I get up at five.
Claire: Seriously, I get up at six.
Phil: That's you? I thought we had a racoon

Claire: Phil, let it go, I'm faster than you
Phil: If only there was some way we could settle this once and for all, but how?
Claire: You seriously want to race me? I ran a half-marathon last year
Phil: Okay, I'm half scared
Claire: Okay, we do need to do this. I'll go change

Haley: Hey mom?
Claire: Yeah?
Haley: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Claire: Forty dollars?
Haley: I also need a book for school.
Claire: A book?
Haley: I want a dress.
Claire: Do you have any idea what a bad liar you are?
Alex: I'd be more worried that she couldn't come up with a single book title

Phil: Well, there's book smart and then there's street smart.
Claire: Yeah, and then there's Luke.
Phil: Oh, he's just, he's just curious, that's all. He's got this, almost, scientific mind with a thirst for knowledge. He's like this little Einstein. Some people ask "Why?" Luke asks, "Why not?"
Claire: I ask why a lot

Phil [on the phone with Claire]: Hey honey, what's up?
Claire: Uh, the school just called. Luke got in a fight.
Phil: Oh, jeez, is he okay?
Claire: Yeah, he's fine, but they want us to come down there. Where are you?
Phil: I'm showing a house.
Claire: What house?
Phil: I'm golfing

Phil: It's nice to see you Gloria. [Hugs Gloria]
Gloria: Two times today.
Phil: Okay. [Goes in for another hug]
Claire: Uh, Phil, she means we've seen them two times today

If I say something that everybody else is thinking, does that make me a mean person? Or, does it make me a brave person, one who is courageous enough to stand up and say something, behind someone's back to a ten-year-old?

Dede: That's very revealing
Claire: That's my parenting style
Dede: No, I meant your blouse

Dede: Why so long?
Claire: I know it's weird when it's been a long time since we talked
Dede: I meant your hair

You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school

Phil: I think what your mother is worried about is you getting your heart broken when Dylan goes off to college next year
Claire [same time]: That's not what I'm worried about...
Haley [same time]: Dylan's not going to college
Claire: He's not going to college?
Haley: He's in a band, they're going on tour
Claire: Oh this keeps getting better and better

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said

Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 160 in total

Modern Family Quotes

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

Phil: I'm just excited. After today you're going to be a councilwoman and I'm going to be a first husband.
Claire: If you don't stop filming, you're going to be MY first husband.

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