Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Your kids don't need to know who you were before you had them; they need to know who you wish you were, and try to live up to that person. They're gonna fall short, but better they fall short of the fake you than the real you.

Claire: Look at them: A minute ago they were babies, and now their driving, and soon we'll all be dead.

Claire: Quick, quick tell me something to say that will freak him out.
Haley: Tell him I'm pregnant!

Claire: I got pregnant with Haley.
Phil: My bad!

Phil: You're such a great mother. Sometimes I wish you were my mother.
Claire: Oh gosh. I'm already queasy.

Phil: How did Scout get your bra?
Claire: Well, we were out on a date, and he has a really nice car, so — how do you think? He got it from the laundry basket.

Phil: We're like two peas in a pod, or Siamese twins, a snake with two heads!
Claire: They've actually been all those things for Halloween.

No, I don't love the dog. I love my couch and the dog was looking at it like it was a giant sausage.

Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten!

Claire: They're getting more in next week.
Phil: Next week? That's like the worst thing you can say to an early adopter.

Claire [after eating Haley's cupcakes]: Do we still have the number for poison control?
Phil: I love you, Claire, I'll always love you!
Luke: My mouth is asleep like at the dentist.

Phil: I'm really sorry for not underestimating Luke enough.
Claire: Well that means a lot to me.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 162 in total

Modern Family Quotes

Comfort is not everything. My toes have been numb since my Quinceanera.

Gloria

You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.

Phil
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