Mitchell: Did we come at a bad time?
Claire: Come back in five years and seven months when they're all gone!

Claire: Phil, the frying pan is on fire!
Phil: Son of Jor-El! Everybody stay calm!

Sweetie we did it! Our baby is average!

Haley: What are my friends at school going to think?
Claire: They'll think you're helping your father put food on the table.

If Hannibal Lecter and Freddy Krueger had a lovechild, he would be afraid of our next-door neighbor.

Claire: Little kids can be friends with old people, right?
Phil: Of course they can, there's tons of examples: Up, Gran Torino, True Grit..."
Claire: Cartoon, kills himself, she loses an arm. We've gotta go talk to that guy."

I had to undress a mannequin while a creepy guy filmed it, so we have that to look forward to on the Internet.

I want them to share clothes, do each others hair and gossip about boys. Like i did with Mitchell.

Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.

Am I a bad enough parent to ignore that?

I know Phil and I are going to grow old together someday, but today is not that day.

Claire: I'll be upstairs, Clive, don't take too long.
Phil: I never do.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex