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Modern-family

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.

Claire [to kids]: Which one of you was smoking?
Phil: Not me, I have a respiratory problem.
Claire: Obviously, not you.

Phil [about Luke]: He's one of those kids you get him a gift and all he wants to do is play with the box.
Claire: One year we just got him a box, a really nice box
Phil: And we made the mistake of putting it in a gift bag.
Claire: So he played with the gift bag.
Phil: We can't get it right.

Phil loves Spandau Ballet. That song "True" was playing in the car the first time we kissed. It's our song.

I'm fairly confident that Dad's proudest moment was when you finally took off the flame-red unitard

Phil [about Luke]: I'm telling you that kid is a genius, there's a rainmaker
Claire: Why is your iPod in your mouth?
Luke: I'm charging it
Claire: Alex. Alex!

Mitchell: You had your own moments. You had cheerleading, and high school plays, and making out with the quarterback...
Claire: Oh come on, you made out with him, too.
Mitchell: Yeah, but we had to keep it a secret.

Luke already is the best at something. Being my son ... That sounded a lot less lame in my head.

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