Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

Phil: Kids, get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me.
Claire: Alright, that's not going to happen and...wow, you're not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What's wrong with it?
Claire [to Phil]: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute sweetheart.
Haley: Thanks.
Claire [to Haley]: No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them

Claire: I was out of control growing up, there you know, I said it. I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If Hailey never wakes up on a beach in Florida half naked, I've done my job.
Phil: Our job.
Claire: Right, I've done our job

A minute you're just friends watching Falcon Crest and the next, you're lying underneath the air hockey table with your bra in your pocket

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke