The Office

Creed Bratton Quotes (Page 9)

Creed: It's a real shame about Ed, huh?
Michael: Yeah. It must really have you thinking.
Creed: About what?
Michael: The older you get, the bigger the chances you're gonna die. You knew that.
Creed: Ed was decapitated.
Michael: What?
Dwight: Really?
Creed: He was drunk as a skunk. He was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. Snaps right off.
Michael: Oh my God.
Dwight: That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart.
Creed: You know, a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What did I say?
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: What?
Creed: Just looking.
Pam: Please go back to your desk.
Creed: In a minute.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Creed: [referring to Angela, to longtime co-worker Meredith] Andrea is the office bitch. You'll get used to her. [extends hand] Creed.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the 60's I made love to many, many women - often outdoors, in the mud and the rain... and it's possible a man slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim: Oh, I think you mean the Aid to Afghanistan.
Michael: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael: That's a dog.
Pam: No, that's afghan.
Michael: That's a shawl.
Dwight: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael: No, humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
 • Rating: Unrated

Creed: [after winning the fridge] I've never owned a refrigerator before.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only." Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Okay, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct "old man smell?"
[cut to interview]
Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.
 • Rating: Unrated

Creed: That is "Northern Lights". Cannabis indica.
Dwight: [sighs] No, it's marijuana.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Creed: [to the kids] You ever seen a foot with four toes?
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!