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The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man.

Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.

Michael: Where is Creed?
Creed: Here.
Michael: Creed. Quality assurance. Your job. I really think you screwed the pooch on one, Creed. Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy.

Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.

Creed

Toby: Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato.
Pam: Hey Creed.
Creed: Hey!
Pam: Hey.
Creed: Hello. [Jim replaces Creed's apple with a potato, Creed takes a bite of the potato]
Pam: Yes!
Kevin: Here you go. [hands money]
Toby: Nice.

Kevin: Michael, here's the, uh, $15 I owe you.
Michael: Oh, thank you.
Kevin: Yeah. I heard you might need it. So...
Creed: Here's the $40 you gave me.
Michael: I didn't give you $40.
Creed: In a way you did.

Student 1: Hey Creed.
Creed: Hey! What are you guys doing here?
Student 2: You're the man buddy.

Meredith: I really want to come out!
Creed: Good night, Mary Beth!

Kelly: What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat.
Creed: Animals can't feel pain.
Kelly: Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!
Dwight: Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW!
Kelly: KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT!
Kevin: [locks bat in break room] I... am a hero!

Dwight: Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance-
Creed: Sure.
Dwight: -to use sudden violence.
Creed: Okay.
Dwight: Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake?
Creed: What size?

Karen: You can't give paper clips to a baby. He might swallow them.
Creed: Oh it's okay, I've got tons of them.

Michael: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who has seen that before?
Creed: I have. That's the Union of the Monkey.
Meredith: Oh, that's what they call it!
Kevin: This is the best meeting that we have ever had.
Michael: Thank you, Kevin.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 97 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

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Michael