Michael: Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
Dwight: Shotgun weddings.
Jim: That's not what that is.
Creed: Fright. Being scared to death.
Michael: No.
Holly: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Dwight: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Michael: Thank you. Holly is right.

Meredith: What should we do with all these leftovers?
Stanley: I'm taking the dumplings for my wife.
Dwight: No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.
Creed: I can bring these to my shelter.

When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.

Dwight: I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
Jim: Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
Ryan: It's all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
Jim: And then an older gentleman asked you "Boxers or briefs?"
Creed: I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site.
Kelly: If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.

[from outside the conference room] Hey, it's the kid! Look, look, look, look, look! Hey! It's the temp! Look!

What is wrong with this woman? She's asking about stuff that's nobody's business. "What do I do?"... Really, what do I do here? I should've written it down. "Qua" something, uh... qua... quar... quibo, qual... quir-quabity. Quabity assuance! No. No, no, no, no, but I'm getting close.

Creed: The pleasure's all mine.
Holly: Oh, thanks. I'm really looking forward to sitting down with you and finding out more about what you do here.
Creed: Any time.
Holly: What do you do here?
Creed: ... Excuse me?

Creed: Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name: Creed Bratton.

Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[cut to interview]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.

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