It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXFavorite Dennis Reynolds Quotes
Dennis: That is a racial slur, Charlie.
Mac: Calling somebody a Jew who is a Jew is not a racial slur.
Dennis: Where from?
Frenkel: Israel. It just got to be too dangerous. I mean, you know with everything that's happening.
Dennis: Well, that's a tough situation you got over there.
Charlie: Oh yeah, you got that whole tsunami and the...
Mac: No, not that...
Charlie: Well, the superdome thing.
Mac: No, there's no superdome...
Charlie: Well it's one of those places over there.
Mac: It's a different country, Charlie so why don't...
Charlie: Well I'm just trying to help the guy out.
Mac: Why don't you just shut up!
Mac: Well, I feel awful.
Dennis: Well that's what happens when you meet an actual crippled person, you know, it just brings you down.
Dennis: Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?
Sweet Dee: Same thing you're doing. I'm not letting dad give all this shit to poor people.
Dennis: Alright, hey I got here first though. I'm taking the plasma TV and I'm taking the fish tank.
Sweet Dee: How come you get to pick and choose?
Dennis: It's not that I get to pick and choose, it's that I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. You're a woman, you're weak and... you can't.
Sweet Dee: You're a woman and you're weak.
Dennis: That doesn't make any sense.
Sweet Dee: You don't make any sense
Dennis: So, you're not going to get in any trouble at all?
Charlie: Uh, no, no, not really. And since the McPoyles are going to plead guilty I'm sort of off the hook completely.
Dennis: That's great!
Dee: Oh, I'm sorry, was he saying that the intervention worked?
Dennis: No, I don't think that's what he's saying.
Dee: What are you talking about? It was the final push Charlie needed. Turns out: Three-quarters of a major, not so bad after all.
Charlie: Oh, and the best part of it actually for me now is the fact that everybody thinks that I've been molested. So in a way, my life is ruined. Uh, in the meantime, I'm gonna go in the back office and cry, and cry, and cry, and drink for a while.
Dennis: Emotional release, another giant step forward.
Dee: God, we're good. Doctor.
Dennis: Doctor.
Dee: We talked about it, and we decided that we need to get rid of that gun.
Dennis: Oh, oh, the gun...yeah, we're getting rid of the gun.
Mac: You could have been killed. Dennis could have killed you.
Charlie: Okay, good, yes, I think that would be for the best... ah...mm...Dee, could you get me a nurse?
Dee: Yeah, sure. [exits]
Charlie: Tell me we're not getting rid of that gun.
Mac: No way!
Dennis pulls gun out of his pants]: Never.
If that log was trying to rob the place, you totally would've killed it.
Wait! There's more. There's an old short fat man here. He sat with his young sleeping partner. Bring them a glass of the house red from us.
Mac: I'm not going to sit down until you say something nice to me. For once in your life.
Dennis: Your hair is small.
Oh my God, Charlie, I shot you in your head! I am so sorry!
Dennis: What's the one thing that Charlie never gets?
Mac: Laid.
Dennis: I don't get it, Dee: There are tons of women in this city; where do they go?
Dee: They're at velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue.
Dennis: Why?
Dee: Dennis, our bar is in south Philly in a scary alley...might as well call it "Rape Bar."
