Your back is so crooked and bony and all over the place, I can't get a flat surface!

You be the battery guy and I'll be the chicks-and-tits guy.

This Jackie Denardo chick...she's sparked another storm inside me if you know what I mean.

Everyone's a lot fatter than I expected them to be.

You said he had his guts sucked out of his asshole by a hot tub drain.

Dennis: Jesus Christ, Frank, who is this man?
Frank: My goddamned brother.

Barney, you died too young. Before you could walk. Before you could talk. And before you had the chance to get together the proper paperwork.

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.

People don't trust you, Frank. You're a piece of shit and you're ugly and you ooze sleaze and you're very, very ugly.

Why are the urinals filled with rocks?

We can do whatever we want with our kids. And that's what America's all about.

This is a boy who genuinely loves pageantry.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Dee: You've been really stressed so I thought I'd take you to a spa day. Just the two of us.
Charlie: A what day?
Dee: Spa day
Charlie: What is this word, spa? I feel like you're starting to a say a word and you're not finishing it. Spaghetti? Are you taking me to a spaghetti day?

Charlie: what is your spaghetti policy?
Dee: Are you hearing this? He doesn't belong in a place like this.