Your back is so crooked and bony and all over the place, I can't get a flat surface!

You be the battery guy and I'll be the chicks-and-tits guy.

This Jackie Denardo chick...she's sparked another storm inside me if you know what I mean.

Everyone's a lot fatter than I expected them to be.

You said he had his guts sucked out of his asshole by a hot tub drain.

Dennis: Jesus Christ, Frank, who is this man?
Frank: My goddamned brother.

Barney, you died too young. Before you could walk. Before you could talk. And before you had the chance to get together the proper paperwork.

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.

People don't trust you, Frank. You're a piece of shit and you're ugly and you ooze sleaze and you're very, very ugly.

Why are the urinals filled with rocks?

We can do whatever we want with our kids. And that's what America's all about.

This is a boy who genuinely loves pageantry.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Mac: Fight Milk! The first alcoholic dairy based protein drink for bodyguards!
Charlie: By bodyguards! I drink it every morning so I can fight like a crow.

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie