Your back is so crooked and bony and all over the place, I can't get a flat surface!

You be the battery guy and I'll be the chicks-and-tits guy.

This Jackie Denardo chick...she's sparked another storm inside me if you know what I mean.

Everyone's a lot fatter than I expected them to be.

You said he had his guts sucked out of his asshole by a hot tub drain.

Dennis: Jesus Christ, Frank, who is this man?
Frank: My goddamned brother.

Barney, you died too young. Before you could walk. Before you could talk. And before you had the chance to get together the proper paperwork.

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.

People don't trust you, Frank. You're a piece of shit and you're ugly and you ooze sleaze and you're very, very ugly.

Why are the urinals filled with rocks?

We can do whatever we want with our kids. And that's what America's all about.

This is a boy who genuinely loves pageantry.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Frank: I opened up to a therapist just once. I was a kid. I got into a fight. The doctor asked me question after question, got me so scrambled up. Next thing I know, I was shanghai'd upstate to a nitwit school. You know what a nitwit school is?
Therapist: I assume you mean a school for the mentally disabled.
Frank (spits pistachio shell): Yeah, not just for nuts in the head, but bodies, too. Back then science was real crude, they stuck us all together. My roommate was a frog-kid. You ever see a frog-kid?

No I don't eat dragon, cause, uh, it's not a meal for peasants, it's a meal for kings, and I'm sort of a common man. But they don't eat us, it's a common misconception. They actually eat gold and treasure -- that's why they're always sitting on a pile of it.

Charlie