God, what an irritating thing babies are!

Dennis: That's all our money!
Charlie: No, it's all my money. You lost your money when you said no to the trucker.

Dennis: Do you have any money?
Charlie: Yeah, it's all right there. I put it all on black.

Dennis: We were hoping to be dropped off at a casino, this is just a motel.
Byron: I know. I thought we'd slip into a room and you could check my oil.

Charlie: Are you wearing makeup?
Dennis: I'm always wearing a little bit of foundation but that's not the point.

Dennis: We also have the bird with teeth.
Charlie: Wow, okay. And I'm assuming the teeth are fake, yes?
Dennis: Yes. Well they're not really human teeth if that's what you're asking
Charlie: No, I mean did you discover a bird with teeth in this fashion?
Dennis: That does not exist in nature.
Charlie: Okay, I'm not sure, but either way, good glue work.

Frank: He's been obsessing about this luau thing since we met Duncan under the bridge.
Dennis: My first instinct when you say you meet people under bridges is to berate you.

Mac: This brings me no joy at all. I feel nothing. I feel like you stole money from me and bought a shirt.
Dennis: With your money. That is what happened.

Charlie: It's like whole generations of those things have died at my hands. Mothers, fathers, grandfathers, little baby rats.
Dee: Well, you know, keep up the good work.
Charlie: Sometimes, I wonder though, if our lives are reaaly more valuable than theirs. You know what I mean?
Dennis: Yeah they are. Our lives definitely are without a doubt.

Mac: A lot of great actors have done blackface.
Dennis: There's countless examples of very classy actors doing black face. We got the great C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man. We got the Wayans Brothers in White Chicks. That was a very tasteful example of reverse blackface.

Charlie: It's either him or me.
Mac: Him.
Dennis: Yeah. I was gonna say him too. You know, it's always been him. I don't know why I didn't see that before.
Charlie: I'm out of the gang!?
Mac and Dennis: Him.

Charlie: Hey, you're stilling living with your mom? that sounds kind of lame.
Schmitty: Well, it's the M.S. that's really lame. you know
Dennis: Oh, your mom has Multiple sclerosis..
Schmitty: Yeah she's doing alright. I moved in with her to take care of her. Really get to know her before she moves on.
Charlie: That story is kind of a downer.