Doug Murphy Quotes
J.D.: Do you know that Dr. Cox is trying to convince me that everyone eventually kills a patient? But I haven't! I know you haven't!
Turk: Hell yeah, I have. Remember my first year? Mr. Quinn? I forgot to write the order for his albumin drip and he...hemorrhaged and died. You want your doughnut?
J.D.'s Narration: And it turned out Turk wasn't the only one.
Elliot: Mmm, Mrs. Kahn, my second year.
Doug: Uh, Mrs. Studebaker, forty minutes into my first day.
Dr. Kelso: I've been a doctor for thirty years. What do you think?
Doug: On my third day, there was Mr. Kirshnar.
Todd: Jenny Roth, about eight weeks ago. It was really tough, because she was hot.
Doug: And then later that third day...
Carla: So what are you guys gonna do now that your residencies are over?
Doug: (Excited) Oh I'm still a resident. Yeah, Doctor Kelso said I'm the first medical resident to repeat his third year in the entire history of the hospital.
Carla: That's a bad thing, Doug.
Doug: Oh, I'm stayin' positive.
J.D.: I'll take Doug.
Doug: YES! Suck on that! Thanks, J.D. First pick.
J.D.: Relax, Doug, you're the only one whose name I know.
Elliot: Keep up, people! We got pre-rounds to do! Get the lead out, Elvis!
J.D.: Okay, she's gone. Now, I've heard some rumors there's been some fraternizing with some of Dr. Reid's residents. Now, I don't want to mention any names... but, Slobodan, enough of that crap!
Doug: Watch your ass.
Dr. Kelso: Maybe I wasn't clear. This patient is important. Translation: Don't pass him off to dumb guy!
Doug: Sir, I take issue with that...
Dr. Kelso: Son, you were gathering a group of large orderlies to get the lightbulb out of the patient by doing what?
Doug: Shaking him like a beach towel... (shakes folder)
Doug: Pick the hot chick!
J.D.: Shut up, Doug! - We'll take the hot chick.
Doug: I'll have to agree with Chet. Turk, Carla, you guys are awesome! This is...an awesome wedding, and I'm having an awesome time, and you two are gonna have an awesome life!
Danni: Hi.
Doug: Awesome!
Doug: I'm sorry, J.D., I just don't think pirates are cool.
J.D.: Well then you're not cool, Doug!
Dr. Cox: Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! One of you minions spit out another question, will ya! Yo! Nervous Guy - now I don't care how many times your little prepubescent voice cracks. Hit me, baby!
Doug: Okay... Wh-what is the demyelinating CNS disorder associated with the JC virus?
Dr. Cox(yawning): Progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy. Snore! Back to you, there, half-pint.
Dr. Casey: Yeah, short jokes are a sign of desperation, my friend.
Randall: Amen, brother.
J.D.: Look, I did my psych rotation, okay? I know my father abandoning us and only showing up in my life when he needs a place to sleep or a free prostate exam is probably gonna be an issue. I get it. But it's not like I'm looking for a-a mentor... I just want a little validation. It's like when Kelso gave you a cupcake 'cause you went four days without killing a patient.
Doug: That was awesome!
J.D.: You know!
J.D.'s Narration: I've always felt like Doug understood me. It's weird; after knowing him for three years, I suddenly realized he was the type of mentor I always wished Dr. Cox would be... Wait!
J.D.: Doug, get the hell outta here!
Doug: Okay.
Doug: Stringent what?
J.D.: "Stringent updoc". It's happening.
Dr. Cox: Yes, Nervous Guy?
Doug: What's "updoc"?
Dr. Cox: What the hell, there, Pee-Pants? Are you... the only one here?
Doug: I drew the short straw, so I have to press record on all the tape players when you start the lecture.
